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May 7, 2013 / admin

Two Groups of Black Women Date Interracially: Which One Describes You?


This comment below was posted by Anna in our advice thread.

There are two groups of BW who date IR: one group genuinely likes or prefers white men (this includes women who like all men, irrespective of race) and the other group is trying to use white men as substitutes to alleviate the shortage of available black men. The second group is, by far, the larger of the two and women in this group are the ones who want white men who act black.Many BW are dating white men because of the shortage of BM. Many are angry at BM for choosing non-black women, so they want to date white men to get back at BM and to boost their ego. Most of them are not doing it because they are attracted to white men. If you have read any of the BWE blogs, it is clear that there is a lot of anger and resentment among many of the BW who are turning to IR. Some of those blogs have stated clearly that BW should marry white men for their resources and for “protection”. They believe that marrying white men will improve the status of BW. They don’t care about love, sexual attraction or compatibility.

After reading it I thought it might be interesting to find out what percentage of our readers fit into which group. So I decided to take an informal poll to find out the validity of these claims (it’s not the most scientific study but it’ll do). I ask you to share which group you fall within in the comments section below.

Did you find yourself turning to White Men after giving up on black men or a result of the lack of quality eligible Black Men? And if so, do you prefer White guys who  share many of the characteristics of the ‘typical black man’? Or have you always preferred White Men to other men all your life? And if you have, do those White men tend to be the more ‘white bred’ man or a man very comfortable with “black culture”?

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37 Comments

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  1. S / May 7 2013 5:50 am

    I think there are more than 2 categories. I’ve always been attracted to white men and never been attracted to black men. Growing up white men were everywhere, i.e. school, tv etc… so from a very young age I noticed that I gravitated towards white men. Most of my friends at school, college and university were white. It wasn’t a conscious choice it just felt natural to me. My dad wasn’t around much when I was younger due to his job overseas, I have brothers so I only view black men in a familial context and that’s the way it has always been. Therefore, for me I think the environment I’ve grown up in has shaped and had a big influence on my attraction to white men.

  2. arbngrl / May 7 2013 10:32 am

    I’ve always preferred white men, but I thought that they wouldn’t find me attractive. What made my decision to be set in stone is when I look back into my childhood and saw how the black men around me didn’t really appreciate us as black women. We always have to change something about us to satisfy them. When I saw that that wasn’t the case with white men I decided that I deserve the best treatment and I wouldn’t allow someone of my race treat me any old how just because he’s my race.

    • Dean / May 9 2013 2:47 am

      Good for you sweetie 🙂

    • Adeen / Sep 15 2014 1:07 am

      I had the same experience too

  3. Christine / May 7 2013 6:34 pm

    I’ve preferred White Men to other men all my life. I remember as a little girl having crushes on ones that were a year or so older than me. I like white men who just act like themselves. Someone who is comfortable and confident with himself. But since Im not into the “hip hop culture” there’s no way we would connect if he was.

  4. Anonymous / May 7 2013 7:41 pm

    Absolutely not. The second group does not rep me. I have always been attracted to white men. Something about them, their qualities, and culture that I love. I enjoy the differences too.

  5. wanda / May 8 2013 3:25 am

    i am very attracted to white men. have been all my adult life. just had never acted on it until recently. i dated a white man and am very comfortable. he opened a door that i never knew existed. now i like what i learned. love this new world. he was very gentle, respectful and kind. now i only enjoy dating white men. its not just race. its my preference. just looking for the right man to share my life with. gentle, loving , kind, spontaneous and loves life and me as a beautiful black woman. a man who loves God and will love his woman right. and accept love in return.

  6. wanda / May 8 2013 3:28 am

    do white men read these comments and answer them? im very interested to know and thier responces.

    • tonyrodg / May 8 2013 12:46 pm

      Yes I do.

      • wanda / May 10 2013 3:16 am

        care to share with me tonyrodg? i would enjoy your comments. do you date black women?

    • Darren / May 12 2013 9:46 pm

      I enjoy reading them’

      • wanda / May 13 2013 2:36 am

        thanks darren. makes perfect sense. im glad you enjoy reading these comments. it opens the mind to different possabiities and life experiences. i always try to keep an open mind about everything and everybody.

  7. Dean / May 9 2013 3:08 am

    I’m a white man and I have had 3 black ladies in my life and one that I will aways Love.
    She did like wrap which I hate but we worked around that. But for the most part we had a lot of the same likes. We was young and we both was just wanting to try something new, Maybe a fantasy.
    But what ever is was we fell in love. I still love black ladies but I only date black ladies that like white men. I’m 45 and I don’t like wrap I like rock and some country, and I have found lots of black ladies that like the same.

    • wanda / May 10 2013 3:34 am

      what would be the best way for a black woman to approach a white man she is interested in without scaring him away? how would she get his attention in a quiet gentle way? being a lady but still getting his attention.

      • Darren / May 12 2013 9:52 pm

        I think you will find that just like with anything, being yourself is allways the best way of getting to know someone. A man will either like you for who you are or not. If he doesn’t, then it wasn’t ment to be.

  8. wanda / May 10 2013 3:22 am

    hello dean. how would you let a black woman know if you were genuinely attracted to her? sometimes its hard for black women to know if you want to be friends and get to know us. any suggestions?

    • wanda / May 10 2013 3:35 am

      im curious

  9. wanda / May 10 2013 3:38 am

    what attracts you to black women?

  10. Darren / May 12 2013 9:47 pm

    I enjoy reading these posts.

  11. Average Guy / May 28 2013 1:55 am

    I do read these comments and enjoy them. I am new here but have always been attracted to and dated black women exclusively. I do not act “black” or “hip hop”. I act the same regardless of who I am around and find people who try to be what they are not to be very irritating.

    • wanda / May 29 2013 3:07 pm

      hi average guy….liked that. wish more men felt that way. im a black woman with sooo much love to give, but no one to give it to,

      • Average Guy / Jun 24 2013 2:31 am

        Hi Wanda, I think if more people spent less time worrying about what others think and just being themselves, it would be easier for all of us to find that special person. When people try to be something they are not to try to attract someone, it cant end well because you can only pretend for so long.

  12. Danielle / May 28 2013 5:37 pm

    I’ve been attracted to white men my whole life and have exclusively dated them for over ten years. I like them to be authentic and true to themselves. I find in them qualities that I want that are far more infrequent than black men. Last thing I want is a white man who tries to act different and “black” just to appeal to me. Besides, the physical/sexual attraction is definitely there! I don’t need to hate or be angry at black men to date a white man. There are lots of good reasons to prefer and date white men in the first place. Any of you ladies on here have yahoo?

    • wanda / May 29 2013 3:11 pm

      be happy danielle…at all cost, be happy. do whats in your heart. im happy for you.

  13. Dee / Jun 4 2013 3:34 pm

    Hello everyone, im really happy to have found this site. I have enjoyed reading the posts and comments. I am a black female who has always been attracted to white men, however, they either arent sttracted to me or they are to afraid to say anything. I briefly dated a white man once but it ended quickly because turns out he was just curious about “gettin busy” with a bw:/..and I wasnt having it!
    It’s nothing like a wm just being himself:-) I think its

  14. Dee / Jun 4 2013 4:03 pm

    Im very attracted to white men, but not the ones who feel like they have to “urban” for whatever reason. I have only ever dated one wm very briefly and I ended it because he ended up being only “curious” about “getting busy” with a bw (I wasn’t having it) I’ll admit, I was a little sad about it because I was genuinely interested. It hasnt caused me to stop being attracted to wm but not very many wm approach me . A wm who is confident enough to approach a bw and ask her out is very attractive. Not every bw is loud and obnoxious. Some of us are real bw who have great values and an even greater capacity to love and be loved:-)

  15. Warhorse18 / Jun 11 2013 10:25 pm

    I think there are more than two categories too. I personally have never really been physically attracted to black men first of all; and secondly, even if I was physically attracted to many of them, a lot of the black men I’ve met don’t seem to be very compatible with me personality wise. I’ve noticed a lot of non-black men seem to be more compatible with me when it came to likes and dislikes.

    I have nothing against black men dating interracially especially if they’re not doing it for some form of social status. I like the idea of happy functional couples. However I’m not going to deny the deliberate elevation of non-black women over black women, especially the darker skinned ones doesn’t hurt.

    I’m not interested in white men because I feel they will provide me with long-term security and in order to alleviate the shortage of black men. Falling alseep. more later.

    • Darren / Jun 12 2013 4:16 pm

      I enjoy reading your replies. I’m assuming your much younger than me but we do seem to have some things in common. Not many like you where I come from.

      • Warhorse18 / Jun 13 2013 3:08 am

        Aww thanks. 🙂

      • Warhorse18 / Jun 13 2013 3:24 am

        You’re actually quite right about the age difference. I just clicked on your profile. I don’t have one yet though, but I’m in my mid twenties. I’ve always LOVED haunted houses, especially roller coasters. The higher the better. 😀 Halloween, even though we don’t have much of it here is actually my favourite holiday.

        We’re some distance a part too. While you’re in New Orleans I’m located in the Caribbean. I know it seems weird for the location, but we used to have a tighter rock and metal community here. Over the past couple years though it seems to have fizzled out a little.

    • Warhorse18 / Jun 13 2013 3:55 am

      I was saying my interest in white men has absolutely nothing to do with them providing me with a more secure life or not. I take pride in being financially and mentally independent, and when I’m in a relationship it’s because I like the person and I see the potential for this relationship to possibly become something more in the future. Why toy with someone’s feelings if you don’t really like them or are trying to get back at someone else? I’ve been in that boat before, and believe me it took me a long time to recover.

      “And if you have, do those White men tend to be the more ‘white bred’ man or a man very comfortable with “black culture”?”

      I’m not sure if I’m the right person to answer this question, since I’m actually from a country where most people are black, non-white or mixed, and then white. Our culture is more of a colonial/”social class”/ a slight mirror of British culture. I think that the lines between what is black culture and what is white culture became very blurred many years ago. However, if I were to go based on US culture I would say more…”white bred”? This is because I feel I would relate a little more than with black culture.

      Either way, OP, I really think you need to re-evaluate your post. While a part of me understands what you’re getting at, please try not to generalize.

  16. Ms. / Jun 20 2013 11:06 pm

    I just found this site, so I’m very new but I think this is a great question and I wanted to respond.

    So like others said there are more than 2 groups of IR dating. I am a mixture of both. I have always been attracted to White men, but I felt that they wouldn’t be attracted to me, so I stuck to whoever was attracted to me. I have over the yrs watched the mistreatment of Black women by Black men (through the media) spread and I want no part in it. Also as I’ve accomplished more I have found that I have less in common with Black men.

    Overall I want a man who can match or even surpass my accomplishments and won’t feel threatened by them. I feel that White men are more equipped to do this than Black men.

  17. Elle / Feb 28 2014 2:17 pm

    From my kindergarten years up to when I was about maybe 14, I had mostly white friends from school. The black kids picked on me until I reached teen-aged years. I was the stereotypical “white” black girl… whatever that BS is supposed to mean. So naturally, from an early age on I always was attracted to white guys. My first bf (puppy love…. I was 14) was white but he was the “wigger” type. I didin’t know better. I thought that was what I wanted at that time. I went through a period of only dating black/spanish guys but now that I’m back to dating white guys, I realize that I prefer the WM that (for one predominately likes to date BW) that is just himself but still can have an appreciate for our culture, but not trying to emulate it with how he dresses or talks.

    Has there been a discussion on the topic on the two categories of WM? I’m still new to this site and am looking around as we speak but this particular topic of WM really gets under my skin. The types I’m referring to are the ones who like the idea of a BW more than actually being with one (the type who will just want to F*** just to see what it’s like, etc) & then the ones who genuinely care about and love BW. I’d be interested in seeing an article about this because I’ve encountered both types & the ones who aren’t genuine make me so sick & I’d love to see other women’s experiences.

  18. Adeen / Sep 15 2014 1:30 am

    I am new to commenting on this site but I have been reading the articles on here for a while. And I like them. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that my preference for Black men was a false one because many Black women feel obliged to give back to the ”community” and be ”loyal” to the ”Brothas”. Black men don’t feel that sense of loyalty to me or other Black women so why should I feel that sense of loyalty to them?

    Well, my so called preference was out of that false sense of obligation.

    For most of my young life(I am in my late teens), I liked and crushed on non Black males but I kept that attraction to myself because I didn’t want to be labeled a sellout by other Black people. In fact, my first crush was on Uncle Jesse from Full House after watching Full House reruns as a little girl. And I still like him to this day. My last crush, before I graduated from high school, was on a White guy too. He was cute but I never told him how I felt because I was too scared to tell him. Plus he had a girlfriend too. There were very few Black males that I was attracted to in high school. But that false sense of obligation kept me from ever pursuing anyone outside of my race and excluding my dating options to Black men. And excluding my dating options to these men has only left me emotionally fragile, insecure and just feeling down.

    Black men have never showed me any respect. My father walked out when I was a child and Black males bullied me in high school and called me ugly and too dark to date. So I never dated Black men but I was told that I should date Black men because we share the same skin color. But recently, I have a deeper yearning to date a good, quality White or Asian man with a good personality and is knowledgable about other races and cultures. And it was then that I realized the false sense of loyalty and fears that was keeping me from dating who I truly wanted to date and stopped my false ”preference” for Black men for good. Now I am more vocal about my true preferences even if those fellow Blacks disagree with me. And I am glad that I can live in peace with my preferences and not feel bad about them anymore.

  19. kkr05c / Nov 8 2014 11:57 pm

    I am neither and both. I have no preference in race, skin tone or ethnicity. However, I have always leaned towards being intellectually attracted to men who are not black. I also have become fed up with being overlooked and criticized by black men. For the most part my preferences has nothing to do with race, but with morals.

  20. Cyan / Oct 22 2016 10:39 am

    Just never found myself romantically or physically interested in black men. There are wonderful men of all races and subpar men of all races. I never dated or befriend any man of poor character but I am just into white guys.

  21. Anna / Nov 8 2016 10:17 am

    I have only found white men attractive since I was a child. I have awesome black men in my life, love them dearly and support black men 100%. I am not interested in them dating or sexually.

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