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May 16, 2013 / admin

Comment Win by Veronica!

Since this comment, submitted by Veronica, is buried in one of our older posts titled, Do You Give Off a Swirl Signal, I thought I’d feature it here on the main page!


I know this is a super old post but I just had to chime in! I’m one of those black women that are regularly hit on by white men. I would say that 70% of the men that hit on me or ask me out are Caucasian. Is there a vibe we give off that makes us more approachable to them? Absolutely! I’ve combed through most of the post on this site and incase you haven’t noticed during those missed connections, one of the features that the women have that the men make mention of is their size/weight, noting that they’re petite or slim. White me are more attracted to women that have slim figures, not skinny, but certainly not overweight and out of shape. I’m speaking generally, because of course there are bwwm relationships where the woman isn’t exactly the model of healthy eating.

Secondly, the way you dress. Dressing feminine is key. White men tend to a avoid ghetto black women and they can almost always spot one by how she dresses. Ghetto women are clueless when it comes to dressing feminine. Sorry to say it but it’s true. So, when they see a black woman who dresses feminine and classy they automatically assume that she isn’t a stereotype.

How we interact with them. I’ve noticed on occasion that while a white guy may not be interested in me at first sight, they tend to be after a few minutes of talking with them. I always smile, laugh, listen intently to them while never judging, speak softly and properly(not Ebonics), and it helps to remain demure. Basically, every negative stereotype about black America women (obnoxious, loud, bossy) out the window. Although I’m black but not black America (African American) I’m guilty by association, therefore the stereotypes, living in America, can affect me if I stay at a distance, so taking to them is a must.

And I’ll end with this to cut down on this post, expanding your horizon past black culture. You would be surprised at how pleasantly surprised they are when you can talk to them about anything from 90s alternative music to college football to renaissance history. More than anything, they love women who they can talk to about anything and everything without being judged, anyone they can be themselves around and they’ll break down the walls. This is all from my experience.



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  1. Paul / May 16 2013 1:49 pm

    I think you’ve hit on a critical issue that is very accurate Veronica. No real man wants to date a stereotype. Doesn’t matter what race she is. Nor does he want to be viewed as a stereotype. I’ve dated women of all races and nationalities, not because of those reasons, but because she brought something substantial and real to the table. Judgmental in my approach? Absolutely. Time is my greatest asset, and even though you may be the most wonderful person in the world, if you come off as a stereotype at first blush, I’m going to move on.

    Hoping you all have a wonderful day.

  2. Barry / May 16 2013 2:06 pm

    WoW … your dead on Target with your comments Veronica … the Ghetto Lady with combat boots really scares me … ! im really attracted to a slim black lady who is very feminine, or dresses in a feminine manner … somebody who talks sense and really means what they say … iv’e had some very nasty experiences while dating black women, and i really dont want to stereo type women, but in my experience my biggest gripe i have with black women is the accountability issue, or rather a lack of accountability.

  3. paulcheezan / May 17 2013 12:14 am

    Just be yourselfs and talk.And another thing people DO notice how you dress to

  4. Tom / May 19 2013 4:31 pm

    I’ve noticed that black women online often ask the question of how they can get white guys to approach them. And I’ve given the advice that if a black woman is attracted to a white guy, maybe she should approach him and attempt to talk/flirt. That answer doesn’t always get a good reception. The response I get is that “It’s the man’s job to approach her.” (Maybe black women are extra traditional when it comes to men?)

    Obviously, it’s up to every woman to decide how she wants to run her dating life, and there are certainly white guys who will approach black women that they find attractive (I’m one of them). But I just wanted to point out something similar to what the author of this post alluded to: I think many white men make assumptions that a black woman is going to be angry or bossy or otherwise fit some unfortunate stereotype, which is why they don’t act on their interest. Taking the initiative to talk to a guy can defuse those stereotypes. A nice conversation will quickly make it clear that you are not the person that he may have had in his head.

    That is why I think that it can be worth it for a black woman to be the one to break the ice. No, it’s not fair that we all have to contend with stereotypes, but those stereotypes are out there, so interracial dating means we have to accept they exist and work around them. (For what it’s worth, a white guy may have to deal with the assumption that he’s only interested in sex and couldn’t possibly want anything more from a black woman. That’s annoying too, but that prejudice is out there, so there’s no use pretending it isn’t.)

  5. Average Guy / May 27 2013 1:41 am

    I have exclusively dated black women my entire life and I must say that I am not put off or intimidated by the way a woman acts or dresses. I will approach and speak to a woman if I find her attractive, but I have been told by many of my white friends that they would be scared to approach a black woman and it is based on the usual stereotypes. I was married to a black woman for 18 years and I had a great deal of fun dispelling the stereotypes about white guys with her family and friends. If you see something you like…speak up, life is too short to miss out!

    • Deb / Jun 24 2013 2:22 am

      Well, I think men that are scared need to man up sorry. I bet as more black women date interracially, these scared guys will get more confident about approaching BW. If not, oh well!

      • Average Guy / Jun 24 2013 2:34 am

        I agree! You cant complain if you are too scared to speak up.

  6. Kiwiwriter / Jun 9 2013 5:35 pm

    Veronica, if I was single, you would be exactly the kind of girl who I would be begging for a date.

    Of course, with my history, the operative word would be “begging.”

    Very well put.

  7. Mark / Jun 18 2013 3:18 pm

    Your smile is your best asset when breaking down any barrier, especially with us Caucasian men. I love when black women smile, it brings on a whole new aura to their demeanor.

  8. Deb / Jun 24 2013 2:20 am

    What she says can be definitely applied to all women and I think most sensible, well to do guys of different races open to interracial faint would appreciate the same things.

    I think apart from looking attractive, coming across as genuinely friendly and approachable is important when trying to attract men and really people, PERIOD. It has to come from a real place but nothing wrong with faking till you make it.

    Great comment!

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