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September 12, 2014 / admin

White Man Suspicious of BW Seeking IR Relationships


I received the following note from a reader named Jay. Tell me if this sounds familiar :

Hi, I enjoyed having a look at your blog, I didn’t imagine such a blog would exist. In fact I did a bit more than enjoy it, it got me sexually excited, as a white male, to picture myself with a black female. But I still have mental barriers about it… When I see one, I always fear that she only likes black guys. Also, when I see this : https://blackwomenwhitemen.wordpress.com/2011/01/27/real-interracial-wedding-pictures/ I think that she looks confident, he doesn’t, and im pretty sure she will soon involve him in cuckoldry. What do you think? thank you 🙂

As the admin of this blog I’ve heard my fair share of suspicions expressed from Black women (and Black men) in regards to BW WM Interracial Dating. “Most White men just want to know what it’s like to be with a Black woman but won’t marry them or introduce them to his family,” “He’s got jungle fever or fetishizes Black women,” “He is only with Black women because White women don’t want him,” “He only likes Black women because he wants to be Black / acts black / talks black, etc,”

I have to admit though, I rarely hear White men express their suspicions about Black women who are interested in Interracial Dating; but apparently, as evidenced by the note above, some White men are thinking that pretty Black girls with White partners aren’t genuine or have ulterior motives.

To be clear, a cuckold is a husband whose wife has had sex with someone else. So this reader assumes this attractive Black Women in my Real Wedding Pictures Post will cheat on her White husband sooner than later. Interesting…

Is it because he doesn’t think her husband will be able to satisfy her? Or that she’ll get bored of him? Does he think White guys are too Beta to keep their pretty Black girlfriends and wives around? Is this what other White men fear and is it a mental roadblock for them to approach Black women they deem attractive?

MY ANSWER TO JAY:

You may or may not be aware that BWWM marriages are typically the longest lasting interracial couplings, and if all these Black women marrying White men were cheating on their husbands I’m sure their unions wouldn’t be lasting so long.

If the issue is that the Black Woman seems more confident or would be considered slightly more attractive than her White mate, I’ll have you know that is the case with most couples, their races notwithstanding. Most men simply won’t date a woman who he thinks is not at least on his level of attractiveness, and almost all of them will try to date one point higher or more.

I find this dynamic keeps the man appreciating his mate and gives her ample reason to stay instead of stray.

What say you? Have you heard White men give this particular reason for being suspicious of Black women who date interracially? Or have you heard any other common anxieties they have? Share it below in the comments section.

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24 Comments

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  1. swirlqueen / Sep 12 2014 12:37 pm

    Although there may be some who may feel this way, I think Jay is a troll and I would not have given him the time of day or wasted one minute responding to his foolishness.

    • John / Sep 14 2014 9:34 am

      I agree with you that “Jay” is a troll. Also, assuming he really is a white man, he is the type who give other white men a bad name. Notice that all he talks about is sex. And he is suspicious of BW seeking WM? Pot meet Kettle.

  2. Max Kors / Sep 12 2014 2:46 pm

    Jay sounds wussy and a bit creepy. Probably the type that black chix have been warned about. I think a lot of the suspicion about bw/wm has more to do with their jealousy, or racist tendencies rather than anything substantive. It usually comes from others and not the couples involved. You can tell that they’re “reaching” for justification to oppose such relationships. The given reasons aren’t really valid. They just want to find something, anything that will stick to legitimize their objection. I don’t think that most ppl who pursue inter-racial relationships worry about the stereotypes. It’s other ppls problems,not theirs. Those who disapprove just get nutty. I experience a little bit of that reaction from family members. They’re not racist really, it just seems to be a tiny bit uncomfortable for them. They don’t dislike blacks or other races. They just can’t imagine wanting to date someone of a different race. Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is. there’s no meaningful difference between us. I don’t know. These questions don’t even cross my mind. I’m not hung up on race and worthless stereotypes. I do think that a lotta black guys sometimes have a problem with it. They almost take it as a collective betrayal. I don’t know why. They sure don’t mind hooking up with the white chicks. I’ve never felt like race was an issue coming from blacks so far. For whatever reason, I’ve always been widely accepted by blacks. Living in Miami, I’m definitely a bit of the minority. I don’t know if it’s cuz the way I look or act or what. I love the black chicks. It’s just what I’m attracted to. Like ppl liking tall girls or short or whatever. I’m not intimidated by anything. I don’t even look at white girls. Have you seen what happens to them by the time they’re 30? They age like lettuce! It’s not a weird fetish thing, it’s just that white girls kinda suck. I’m a dude. We like what we’re attracted to so why would I actively pursue what I don’t like just cuz I’m white? I’ve liked black chicks since 1st grade.

    • John / Sep 14 2014 9:16 am

      “They age like lettuce! It’s not a weird fetish thing, it’s just that white girls kinda suck.”

      Was that really necessary? Would you talk about your mother like that?

  3. Insomniac / Sep 13 2014 3:25 am

    When I was in relationships with white guys, they didn’t worry about if I was secretly yearning for black men. In fact, they didn’t see us as being in an interracial relationship. They were attracted to me, and I was attracted to them; it was a relationship as usual. We didn’t talk a lot about us being different races. I liked that.

    • Max Kors / Sep 13 2014 8:00 am

      yea as a white dude with a black chick. that’s been my experience as well. I’d say most ppl who are open to the idea think this way.

  4. Adeen / Sep 13 2014 9:50 am

    Forget about men like Jay. I have been reading this blog for sometime and I like it alot. I am a Black girl in her late teens who just left Black Nationalism several months ago because I decided that it wasn’t for me. Plus I had a crush on a cute, White guy throughout my whole senior year of high school. Sadly I never told him how I felt and he had a girlfriend. But he was nice to me. And I just graduated from high school and I didn’t realize how much I was attracted to White men until I did some self reflecting. My first ever crush was John Stamos from watching Full House reruns as a little girl. And I liked many other White and non Black men such as Leonardo DiCaprio, Mario Lopez and Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt BEFORE he turned into an old man, Ryan O’Neal in his youth etc.

    But other fellow Blacks were telling me to exclude my dating options to Black men and told me to find a “good Black man”. So I kept my attraction to non Black men to myself and went along with the mantra that I must stick with Black men. But Black men have never showed me any respect from my father abandoning me and my mother when I was a baby to Black American boys in high school teasing me because of my dark skin and petite and slim frame. Then I realized that sticking to Black men mantra hasn’t benefited me at all. It only left me single, insecure and emotionally fragile.

    So I decided to do self reflecting and realized my attraction to White and Latino men. Non Black American men held the doors for me in public and respected me in public too. And I realized that my “preference” for Black American men was a false one because this “preference” only made me feel obliged to exclude my dating choices to Black American men and please other Black Americans.

    As I look back, I think I might have preferred White and Latino men all along and never realized it. And does anyone have any tips on how to attract good, quality White males around my age? I admit I do have my questions about interracial dating but I don’t want to sound desperate here.

    • swirlqueen / Sep 14 2014 3:04 pm

      So proud of you Adeen. You have learned young what a lot of women I coach still have yet to learn in their 30s and 40s so congrats to you and keep it moving honey. With your attitude and disposition, you will know how to vet a good man when you see him, get him and have a wonderful family and life. I say all the best to you.

      • Adeen / Sep 14 2014 9:37 pm

        Thanks for the encouragement. I respect it. I am learning to vet men of ALL races even though I have a preference.

  5. absolog / Sep 14 2014 12:48 pm

    It seems to me this guy was only able to admit that he’s sexually turned on by black women and that having the b—s to do so got him off too. If this is the case Jay, which I am pretty sure it is, you are on the wrong website. I’m sure there are plenty porno sites you can visit to get your rocks off, this site is for people serious about their preferences and who like sharing with like minded people. I say get your $.99/minute saved up and let your fingers do the walking. True to what you said in your comment, I SEEM CONFIDENT AND YOU DON’T…so why don’t you move on.

    • swirlqueen / Sep 14 2014 3:05 pm

      Since I just came from church, the only thing fitting to say to your post absolog is Amen!

      • absolog / Sep 14 2014 3:56 pm

        Thanks Ms. Swirlqueen 🙂

  6. chocolate / Oct 3 2014 1:51 am

    God put us together because we are humans. We didn’t fool around and fall in
    love(wm/bw). It was love at first sight, fate. It was meant to be by God.
    He created diversity to prevent inbreeding groups. Diversity reduces retarded
    and feebleminded offspring with hybrid vigor communities. I thank God for
    making different races to prevent incest. We can’t stay isolated. We’ll end up
    mating with blood relatives without even knowing it. Marriage used to come
    with blood test for this reason. It’s not normarl to stick with people who only
    look like us. Basically, we are not supposed to want somebody from our family.

  7. Teri / Oct 4 2014 1:55 am

    I do surveys and stats on families at community service centers. Most of the women who cheat on their husbands are white women married to white men. Black women married to white men are the least to cheat according to our surveys and statistics. Black women are more satisfied with their white men than white women are. Community Service Centers help many unhappily married couples.

    • admin / Oct 9 2014 1:48 pm

      wow that’s really interesting – definitely note reporting in a full post

      • Teri / Oct 13 2014 5:33 pm

        I would love to note report in a full post, but to
        protect the identity of private couples involved in
        family surveys I’m not authorized to release those
        records to you or the public. You may do your own
        survey for evidence if you don’t take my word for it.
        The verified proof I have is documents (FOUO)
        for official use only divulged to therapist and
        counselors at the community center. I’m sure you
        will end up with the same results if you do your own.

  8. P. Terrell / Oct 13 2014 3:05 pm

    I can truly state as a white man who has dated black women since the early nineteen nineties, and married two of them, Jay is WRONG!!! I became suspicious of my first girlfriend and later wife when I found out how promiscuous, she was prior to marrying me. I addressed my feelings with her, and she explained this to me. Yes, she could have been described as slutty before dating me, but never dated more than one man at a time, and furthermore was so in love with me, that she would never consider anyone else. Since she died, I remarried and divorced another black woman, but her seeking sex with anyone else besides me was never an issue. In fact the sex between us was so good, the only person she has had sex with since we divorced was me. The reasons for our separation were because of problems financially motivated and lack of attention to the relationship because of trying to work to hard to make it financially. We finally divorced because I actually had an affair with a different black woman. To my experience in dating black women is that they are more loyal to their spouses than most any white women I have had experience with.

    • Anna / Oct 16 2014 3:35 pm

      “To my experience in dating black women is that they are more loyal to their spouses than most any white women I have had experience with.”

      And you reward BW’s loyalty by cheating on them? I guess WM are no different from BM.

      • coffee straight / Jan 4 2015 5:43 pm

        Men and women cheat for different reasons. I don’t know any black women who cuckold on their white husbands, but I do know two white women who cheat on their white husbands. One is cheating because of her fertility problem and the other one is cheating because of her orgasmic disorder. It has been genetically and scientifically proven that black women have less issues with infertility and fewer issues with orgasms. Maybe that’s why they cheat less than them. They don’t have the same amount of problems.

    • chocolate / Oct 18 2014 1:04 am

      I agree with you P.Terrell because most of my white female friends talk about how they cheat on their husbands, but my black female friends usually talk about how pleased they are with their white spouses. Sex never seems to be the issue with my black friends and their white husbands. Maybe, the black women married to white men are just not as greedy as the white women married to white men. Who knows? Maybe, black women are using more vibrators, masturbation or fellatio to prevent cheating. Black women are a little bit more moral to avoid the risk of deadly STDs. It appears that white men marry more educated financially stable black wives than they do white wives which would explain why black wives are happier with their white husbands than them.

      • Max Powers / Oct 18 2014 6:18 am

        as a group, blacks chicks are more churchy and conservative than white chicks. They go 2 church more so it’s understandable that the they’d be less likely to cheat. Especially those who are marriage minded and open to dating white boys. They’ve also been less spoiled by the radical feminism that encourages women to sleep around.

  9. P. Terrell / Oct 18 2014 3:26 pm

    “black women are using more vibrators, masturbation or fellatio to prevent cheating. Black women are a little bit more moral to avoid the risk of deadly STDs.”

    So Chocolate; are you stating you feel black women would cheat on their white husbands if not for masturbation and the fear that they might get an STD?

    Incidentally, unless my black female partners were lying to me about my sexual abilities, (which I know they were not) they have never needed to seek out other men. I not only am amazingly good with my oral stimulation and the use of my “magic” hands, but they tell me the way I use my penis is excellent also.

    I am not trying to brag, simply attempting to make clear your statement. It would seem as if you are stereotyping white men as inadequate lovers.

    In my experience, and I am not saying all black women, just the black women I have known, do not like non-masculine men to begin with.

    • chocolate / Oct 19 2014 6:01 pm

      What? P.Terrell, I am agreeing with you. You think black wives are more loyal to their spouses than white wives are. I agree. You think Jay is wrong about black wives wanting cuckoldry. He is wrong. I agree. I merely listed many reasons why black wives don’t want extra sex partners. I also mentioned they may be less greedy, more educated and more financially stable which keeps them from wanting to cheat. A satisfied appetite, knowledge and money is an addition to vibrators, masturbation, fellatio and STDs. All seven of the above matters very much to black wives which is why their unions last long. Cheating’s unrealistic. Intercourse is not the only type of sex. Sex is 95% mental and it’s done in many forms. White husbands give black wives more reasons to not cheat than to cheat, that’s masculine, clearly. I named 7 reasons, but I don’t feel black wives would cheat without those 7 reasons. I’m guessing. I’m sure there are a thousand reasons why black wives cheat less.

  10. Nita / Apr 10 2015 1:28 pm

    I want to hear more!!!!

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