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July 17, 2014 / admin

Should you Narrow or Expand your MUST HAVE List?


9781580629768_ps_0114_001We all have mental or physical lists that pertain to the ideal qualities we are looking for in a mate –

He/she has to be well educated, funny, tall, come from a good family, successful, and on and on and on.

Of course we all want the best mate we can find, but can such lists be preventing you from finding love? When does a list get to be too much, or when do you need to bump up your standards?

There are two schools of thought about putting such strict parameters on the people that you meet and potentially date.

 

LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS

The first is that if your list is as long as the bible, your expectations are way too high and you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you think anyone can live up to everything you want. Furthermore, most of us don’t even stack up to the gargantuan requirements we put on others. Are you making six figures, have the body of a greek goddess/god or the most patient, loving and kind person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Chances are the answer is no. You might be working towards that, and it’s always good to be improving and growing, but we all fall short in some way. So, to expect to find someone perfect when you are not perfect yourself is just wishful thinking.

 

EXPAND YOUR LIST

7da58580On the other hand, should you lower your expectations and just settle for anyone who comes along?

Unfortunately,  this seems to be the popular school of thought in the Black community and especially, religious circles.

You shouldn’t demand too much of your partner – take the person as they are and love them anyway. Stop trying to hold out for a white collar man (on par with your job) and settle for that perfectly fine blue collar guy with slight anger/control issues and a few baby mamas. At least you won’t be lonely, right?

 

THE ANSWER

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July 12, 2014 / admin

Want to Meet New People This Summer? Throw a BBQ


people-bbqAh, summer, summer, summer time! The time of year when folks retreat from hibernating in their warm abodes and venture outside to mingle amongst other human beings.

This is the perfect time to meet new people and increase your social life. According to The Wall Street Journal, 30% of couples still meet their significant other through friends so your social circle better be (or get) on point if you’re single and looking.

I don’t fall into the 30% in my current relationship but can understand why this has been the leading way to meet others since the end of World War II. The reason people like to meet this way is because it’s low pressure, and since we vet our friends and tend to run in circles of people that are similar to us, our friends friends are usually pre-vetted and similar in socio economic, demographic and geographic characteristics.

Now, what is a guy or gal to do if he or she doesn’t have a lot of friends (say you’ve just moved to an area) or the ones you have are kind of lame (they are homebodies)?

Simple. If you’re not getting invites to do things with your friends, you have to start doing the inviting.

One event that is hard for people to turn down is that of the summer BBQ. Free drinks, free food, grilling, music, relaxing, games = an almost guaranteed RSVP from even your most introverted friends.

However, since you probably don’t want to date one of your current friends (or maybe you do, in which case this is the perfect ruse to flirt with him or her) the kicker in using this strategy is to make sure each friend brings a friend, or two.

Other tips to have a successful BBQ 

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July 9, 2014 / admin

Queen of IR Dating Halle Berry on Jimmy Fallon (The Tonight Show)


Despite all the crazy things said about Halle Berry, I loves her and think she has played a huge role in fostering interracial Relationships.

She burst on to the scene and made many White men sit up and take notice that Black women can be super hot. You’d be hard pressed to find a White guy who wouldn’t admit to Halle being beautiful and date worthy. And who knows? Maybe that small admittance helped some guy open his eyes to the other gorgeous Black women surrounding him in his own hometown or  become comfortable with sharing his attraction to Black girls with friends/family/etc.

In her career she has also pushed herself to not just be the stereotypical ‘black girl’ (BAPS) but show that we can convincingly play smart, beautiful, sexy (bond girl material), and normal women – as well as have crossover appeal.

I’m sure many Black girls/women noticed, just as I did, the large amounts of White guys who proclaimed Berry was beautiful and dateable and as a result thought to themselves it was completely viable to attract White men. Many BW can give her a run for her money when glommed up (just as Halle usually is).

Also, Halle has been able to nab some VERY HOT white men and normalize the BW-WM pairing on an international stage. Black girls have taken notice of that too. Although some criticize her of pandering to a large swath of her audience (Black men and NBABM women) by claiming she ‘tried’ with black men, the rest of us realize that she probably isn’t seriously apologetic about dating White men.

Perhaps her relationships (however they have or may end) gave some girl out there to confidence to flirt with the hot white guy in her local neighborhood.

She has constantly held a spot on People’s most beautiful list year after year, and is aging quite gracefully, and clips like the one below of her on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon show JUST HOW COOL and fun she is (and other black girls/women can be).

Kudos to Halle

July 3, 2014 / admin

Who Did it For You? Time to Name Names


11018_viewI think we all can remember who the first guy or girl of a different race was that made us realize other race guys/girls were HOT and that we were attracted to people who may have a different skin color than you.

For me it was Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. His swaying hips in those tight pants definitely made me sit up at a very young age and picture myself marrying a guy who looked and danced just like he did.

I confess, I’ve watched that movie more times than I can count and enjoy it every time. It might have had something to do with my very active imagination and the relative ease of which I could envision my head in the place of Jennifer Gray’s (Baby) in all of their scenes together.

There were many steaming hot moments in that film, but them practicing in the dance studio, where she can’t stop laughing as he runs his fingers along her side – and of course the scene where they do it for the first time (smokin’) are my all time favorites.

Now for some of you, your first interracial crush may not have been a celebrity, and that’s okay too. Feel free to name names a well. You never know – he or she may be googling themselves and come across your post. Boom! Instant rekindling – just don’t forget to invite me to the wedding 🙂

 

By the way, check out this unintentionally hilarious deleted scene from Dirty Dancing below. Whew, I don’t think I could have handled all of this right here as a child but all I can say is Jennifer Gray was one lucky lady!

 

June 24, 2014 / admin

Baby k’Tan Gate – Offensive because it’s true?


Um… Is there something wrong with this picture?

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Social media has been lit up with chatter about the above advertisements from Baby k’Tan, a company that produces baby slings. The image being circulated portrays two packages from the same company (for different products) with very nuanced differences.

One package advertising Baby K’Tan’s regular baby carriers is of a seemingly caucasian couple (although baby K’tan later clarified that the couple featured is a caucasian mother and hispanic father), and the other package advertising the company’s organic line features a black mother with baby and a noticeably empty space where the father should be standing.

Cue the outrage, hang wringing, pearl clutching and mile long comment sections about how wronged black women and men are portrayed in the media. But just how off the mark is this advertisement?

The fact of the matter is 72.3% of black children are born to single mothers. Wait, you might say. Just because a couple isn’t married doesn’t mean that the father is not present in the home. By this measure, the situation is only slightly better, as 67% of all black children live in single-parent homes. (source: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2013/jul/29/don-lemon/cnns-don-lemon-says-more-72-percent-african-americ/)
Becoming irate at reality is like objecting to gravity when you fall. Whether you like it or not, whether it be ideal or not, gravity is one of the laws of physics – it’s the way the world works – and Black fathers are absent from their offspring’s lives / abandon the women they procreate with far more than other groups of men in the global village.

Could it be that the Black people crying racism are up in arms because they are fully aware of the prevalent baby mama culture that is the norm in the black community and are upset that their dirty laundry is being aired and reflected for all to see? Yes, it’s a shameful fact and being mad is not going to change a thing.

Read more…

February 27, 2014 / admin

Bethenny Show Seeking Couples in Interracial Relationships


NY CASTING CALL:
Calling all couples in interracial relationships who want to be on television!
The Bethenny show is casting (I still wonder how that woman worked her way from the Apprentice to her very own talk show when Omarosa *the only other recognizable name from the show  is on like tv one or something? Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Omarosa have a ph.D or something to that effect?
Ok, I lied. I do know. Ladies, I give you the power of networking and schmoozing! Did I veer off subject again?
Ok, here’s the call from the Bethenny show’s website:
Are You in an Interracial Relationship?
Do you face judgment of your family and friends? Tell us your story.
February 25, 2014 / admin

It’s Sick to Celebrate Patton & Thicke’s Divorce


Oh, boy! Another celebrity marriage has come to an end… but this one was unlike any of the others. This one lasted for 8 years and began when both of the participants were 14 (Robin Thicke) and 16 (Paula Patton).

Instead of people being sad at another broken home involving a child, admitting they don’t KNOW WHAT happened and wishing the couple all the best, or keeping their mean spirited ‘I told you so’ speculative thoughts to themselves, it seems as though folks are reveling in the fact that this marriage has devolved.

Not only that, but the racist and bigots have gladly jumped at the chance to snatch on their Klu Klux Klan masks and bring race into the equation – despite Paula Patton being a mixed race individual herself.

The Black guys also made an appearance to try to convince good looking and successful women, presumably brown skinned like Paula, to stay in their lane and stick to their own race of men b/c interracial relationships never work out! (Despite interracial marriages between White Men and Black Women having the highest success rate)

Here’s an awesome contribution to the discussion about these two people’s lives: see Jimbuscrepes. (From Gawkr): note JimbusCrepes not only tries to tell ladies that men of their own race will ‘understand’ them better. Really? I can’t make out most of the sounds many Black males go around mumbling, much less try to understand the slang/ebonics they use when they try to ‘holla’. And don’t get me started on the (c)rap music!

gawkr

He also makes sure to prescribe settling for the slightly older, and pudgy (black) guy… who probably looks a lot like JimbusCrepes because he’s less likely to stray.

Is it appropriate to mention the huge out of wedlock birth rates in the African American community? Also, I guess less men can get divorced if they never commit and get married in the first place like many Black men are averse to doing.

Anyway, I digress. Did nobody’s mother ever teach them ‘if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all’? Especially when it comes to a delicate subject like a dissolution of a marriage? Just uncouth.

Please, do me a favor and if you catch someone spouting off online about why they are happy for the separation, why Paula deserves this because she ‘flew the coop’ or any other such nonsense, and put them in their place!

Also, post the link in the comments section for other readers to go and pile on top of them for their bad manners.

P.S. – to the haters: “One monkey don’t stop no show!” This woman and man’s separation will not convince us to come on home. You need MORE people

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