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December 20, 2013 / admin

Are Homeschooled Black Women More Likely to Date Interracially?


I haven’t really met many people who have been homeschooled, much less Black women. However, since many of the hangups Black women seem to have about their race is learned behavior during our formative years I wonder if homeschooled Black woman are more likely to date outside of their race them other Black women.

Wait, just one second – am I blaming the schooling environment for Black women’s poor relationship stats? Well… yes, I am. Let me explain.

Even though I went to a predominantly White School, it was the black kids (at least the girls) who scoffed at the idea of mixing with the White guys. Since there was only a small percentage of them though, it didn’t really make a dent in my affairs.

However, imagine being surrounded by peers who scoff at the idea of finding White guys attractive – because there’s always like one White kid or racially ambiguous kid in an all black school. If you’re a Black girl in such an environment, how likely would you be to admit you find that White boy cute? I would gander the pressure would be heavy to keep your thoughts to yourself. But even if you were okay in admitting you liked White guys, the chances of you finding a White boyfriend would be slim since the numbers really wouldn’t be in your favor.

On top of that, being in a racially unmixed environment makes White people seem weird and unfamiliar. So, when you go to high school and college you are more likely still to seek out the Black folks and only hang out with them.

The little that I know about how homeschooling works, many families make it a point to arrange meet ups with other homeschooled kids to develop the social skills of their children. As most of those other homeschooled kids are probably going to be White, this allows Black girls who are homeschooled the opportunity to befriend other children that are not only Black. When these girls finally attend college or high school, you can bet they won’t feel it necessary to seek out friends solely by whether they are the same color.

Furthermore, I should also mention the fact that many all-Black (but especially public) schools aren’t fairing so well in terms of educating the children and churning out highly successful alumni, which leads to a situation where Black girls are not on the same level of White men and other races who put education first. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – people want to date up or in their same socioeconomic circle. This whole ‘pretty woman’ fantasy of a rich guy marrying and legitimizing a street walker is pretty much happening never – let’s be realistic here.

Looks matter a great deal, but many people put a huge emphasis on a connection outside of the bedroom: are you able to talk about business ideas, what’s going on in the financial world, philosophical musings, etc. I don’t think a lot of White guys are trying to discuss the latest happenings on Scandal or the Real Housewives of wherever.

Hmm, ok – it seems I have gone off on a little bit of a tangent. My original question was whether Black women who are homeschooled would have a higher chance of ending up with a White guy. Do you any of you know any home schooled Black women – and how do they feel about interracial relationships?

Comment below –

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11 Comments

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  1. JJinPA / Dec 20 2013 12:15 pm

    I’m white, but my niece and nephew were home schooled and in their case it made a significant impact on their personalities. They had much more pleasant personalities, were more outgoing and were brought up with the idea that they were going to college, which they did. They are now both married and employed. I’ve never met a home schooled black child, but I had an experience once that might be of interest to your readers.

    A BW friend of mine had a twelve year old son who wasn’t doing very well in English and reading. Having an MA in English I offered to tutor him, free of charge, so he could compete with the other kids in his class, who were mostly white. When I met the boy, he was so angry that I was white that he went to his room and wouldn’t come out. He also used the kind of language to describe me that I didn’t think a twelve years old knew.

    I had been in love with a black girl when I was in grad school and that made me want to help someone who was disadvantaged and could possibly go far if they had the proper education. This boy would probably have been OK if he had been home schooled by his parent (hid dad wasn’t on the scene, unfortunately) and his mother worked two jobs. He grew up in a black community and had the culture of that community.

    As I understand it, black girls brought up in the black community, have a predisposition against dating white men. This is something they evidently learn from a very young age. With this attitude being reinforced by the BC, she would obviously be against dating a white boy. If she were home schooled with less influence from other black girls, I think the idea of dating and marrying a white guy wouldn’t seem so strange to her. But again, a home schooled black child would probably be a rarity.

    I wish there were some way to school all children in a supportive environment and to socialize with other kids and ignore things like color and race. But I suppose that’s an ideal that will never materialize.

  2. Honesty / Jun 7 2014 3:10 pm

    well I went to a nearly all black school with only five white kids form kindergarten to fifth grade and was always attracted to the white kids.(I am pansexual). that has never changed. of course I like anyone regardless of race. it is all in how oyu treat me. Not only that,but my family is full of swirlers so I thought nonmixed couples were weird. I am now engaged toa white man and looking forward to bearing our little swirls

    • JJinPA / Jun 18 2014 10:51 am

      I’m a white man and my niece and nephew were homeschooled because their parents didn’t want them exposed to what they considered the bad influences of drugs, pre-marital sex, gangs, etc. I was concerned that they might not know how to communicate with regular people having been so sheltered from the real world. I was surprised when they turned out perfectly normal with even better manners than the public schooled kids. They both went to college, got married and have children and are living a happy normal lives.

      This might be problematic for black families because it would take a good income to home school and a willingness for one parent to stay home. As I understand it, black families, by and large, don’t take education of or their kids seriously. To be honest, many white families don’t either. For the most part it’s only the affluent that really want a fine education for their children and a chance to get into a good college. That’s one reason I like the “voucher system” where a family can choose a school based on what they want for their child. Of course the public schools don’t like this idea because many families would take their children out of poorly performing local school districts. But I think it’s a excellent idea. Perhaps it would work well for black families as well.

  3. JJinPA / Jun 18 2014 11:03 am

    In addition to what I said above, I think a home schooled black girl could be taught not to judge others on unimportant things like color and race. Therefore a black girl might be less prejudiced against white people then if she grew up mainly in a mixed race school. She could look upon a white boy and simply see a guy and not 300 years of slavery.

    Of course, the black family would have to refrain from instilling suspicions about white people in their daughter’s mind—-and I know there is still a good deal of bitterness in the black community over the history of white oppression. That’s the way toward harmony between blacks and whites. Isn’t it time we all let down our guard and tried to be friends? There are more white people who want that then you might think. The old prejudiced generation is dying out and the younger generation doesn’t have those horrible prejudices anywhere like their parent did.

    • dhonesty3031 / Jun 18 2014 12:44 pm

      okay first of all most black families do consider their child’s education important. secondly,there is bitterness on both sides. but that doesn’t mean that black families instill horrible tales of the white man. I went to public school, never looked at a white boy as 300 years of slavery. in fact race does not matter to most of my family. instead of saying whites and blacks shouldn’t you say that no family should try to keep the flame of prejudice alive? I know plenty of white families who tell their children not to mix with the slave descendants or they will shame the family. my white fiancé is disowned because he is with me. my family does not care.

      • JJinPA / Jun 24 2014 9:01 am

        I can relate to your story because I wanted to marry my black girlfriend when I was in college and my family said they’d disown me if I did. But that was 1974. I’m shocked you fiance’s family feels that way in 2014. From what I’ve been told you’re lucky to have an understand black family. All the women on the boards I frequent (Beyond Black & White, Black Women’s Interracial Inter-cultural Magazine, Abagone, etc) say that the BC is understanding when a BM marries a WW, but is angry when a BW marries a WM. I’m glad your experience is different.

        I comment a number of IR sites online and according to what I’m told, black families retain a good deal of bitterness toward whites. As for education, the dropout rate for black males is pretty high with unemployment remaining at epidemic proportions. I’d like to see more IR friendships because that’s one way to bring both sides together. Its pretty hard to remain prejudice when grandchildren are biracial.

        Thanks for the reply.

    • teri / Aug 22 2014 2:23 am

      I know two homeschooled black girls who grew up in a black community. Their mother believed
      learning begans at home and felt it’s the parents responsibility to teach each child at home
      instead of depending on unsafe schools and untrustworthy teachers. Their mother grew up in
      a black community like them. She educated herself and taught them to self-educate too. She
      was a poor single mother, but she was still intelligent because she read everything. They lived
      in government housing. A free at-home education is available even more today with computers.

      It’s true, more homeschooled African American girls become fearless like their mothers. Any
      self educated person can be a free homeschool tutor. Today, all three of those women I am
      speaking of have white friends and they date white men because they are brave enough to be
      different even living in a black community. None of them were ever afraid to be an individual.
      More surprisingly, none of their white friends were afraid to visit them in the black community.
      You can never instill fear in people who are not scared to die. They touch everyone deeply.

  4. chocolate / Aug 26 2014 2:08 am

    As a child, I lived next door to an african american girl who was homeschooled. She was very
    self sufficient. She knew how to grow her own food, cook and sew her own clothes. Her parents
    never relied on the educational system. They were both intelligent. They didn’t have an MA or
    any college. They were both hard working parents who self educated themselves and their child.
    As the girl grew up, she socialized with many different cultures. She was on her own at 18. She
    became independent enough to purchase her own house in her 20s. Other black girls copied her.

Trackbacks

  1. Black Women and the Body Police | Black Girls Allowed
  2. Are Homeschooled Black Girls More Likely to Date Interracially? | Black Girls Allowed
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