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August 31, 2013 / admin

Give me Motivation or Tell me to move on? Honestly, You Asked


This week’s reader question comes from Mary who writes,

“Hello, I am really interested in an old co-worker of mine. We have a lot in common and have a great time together. There is definitely a physical attraction between us (he’s always complementing me, we’ve hooked up – nothing sexual) but suggestive comments have been made and welcomed. But we also stop ourselves from doing anything sexual because we don’t want to ruin our friendship and believe on people who are dating should be involved like that. My dilemma is I want more. I am just not sure how he will react to it. I am the last girl he’s hooked up with and that was a year ago. So it makes me feel better and that he is waiting for something. I am not sure if I am reading to much into this. My friends have mixed opinions about it. I am not sure what to do. I think more than anything I am worried about saying something and losing a great friend but also passing up the chance of there being something more. Also: Another friend of mine liked a different white guy. They were both fully attracted to each other (physically, emotionally, and mentally) but due to his parents (they don’t agree with dating-marrying black individuals, he would not date her. His parents would never respect their relationship or her and he didn’t want to put her through that. So I guess that worries me. Give me motivation and answer to put myself out there or move on. Also, if I do put myself out there – what is the best way to go about it.”

First things first – thanks for reading and writing!
Now, let’s get down to business…

The only way you are passing up the chance of there being something more is if the opportunity is extended to you. If this old co-worker of yours hasn’t asked or made a move, you are really (sad to say) making a mountain out of a molehill.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that men do and pursue who they are truly interested in. And even if you were to go about orchestrating and making things happen, you would find yourself feeling unsatisfied and wondering if he was truly into you or just decided to go along for a fun little ride since he didn’t have to do any of the heavy lifting.

Since this is an old-coworker of yours, I take it that you two no longer work together – therefore a relationship is not off limits due to fraternizing rules or workplace drama. If this guy was serious about serious, he could have made a move by now. The time has come for us women to stop making excuses for the actions, or lack of action, men willfully decide to take and not take.

By bringing up your friend’s relationship it sounds like you are convincing yourself of a story that your crush has held back declaring his feelings because his parents are closet racists. I’ve dated White guys before who had closet racist parents and guess what – it didn’t stop guys from dating me. That’s not to say that many relationships fail to start or last because of this fact, but many men have not let this solely determined who they choose to date. At any rate, it’s best you move on and continue to cast your net if there is something/anything holding him back from dating you.

I’d said my peace – but I know you all have an opinion on this. It’s not called “honestly, you asked” for nothing.

So, let’s hear your two cents in the comment section below. Don’t be afraid to be real and honest  – we don’t sugar coat things around here!

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3 Comments

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  1. apothecary21c / Andrea Lewis / Sep 4 2013 12:50 am

    I agree. Men aren’t complicated. If he wanted to date her he’d ask her out.

  2. Xai / Sep 4 2013 3:51 pm

    You say he’s waiting for something. Might that something be the woman he actually loves? There is nothing so determined on this earth than a man in love! Wild beast couldn’t keep him away from you. The man in question doesn’t love you, MOVE ON!! R/ racist parents, see above r/ wild beast. Again…..MOVE ON!

  3. smartacus / Sep 4 2013 10:14 pm

    Hmmm. I’m not sure what to make of it when she says, “We’ve hooked up – nothing sexual.”

    If, by “hooked up,” she means kissing, making out, tonsil hockey, or whatever other terminology you prefer, then I’d say the relationship already got romantic. So why didn’t things go any further? Why didn’t the two of them start dating for real? That seems a little suspicious, and in that case, I wouldn’t recommend pursuing things further. If it was gonna happen, it probably would have already.

    Generally speaking, I think it’s fine for a woman in this day and age to let a guy know she’s got feelings for him. But if he doesn’t reciprocate her feelings completely, then it’s time to move on. There are other guys out there.

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