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February 18, 2013 / admin

Should you Use This Subtle Test To Uncover The Future of Your Interracial Relationship?


I got a short note the other day from an anonymous poster who used a subtle test to discover if her interracial relationship was doomed or not, since she wanted children. She asked her man if he could ever see himself adopting and when he responded that he could, she asked if he would want to adopt a brood of children from across the spectrum like Angie and Brad or would he only adopt kids that looked like him so that the adopted one would fit in. His response was not what she had hoped – which was that he would say it wouldn’t matter. Instead, he stated that he would want children that looked like him so that the adopted child would fit in seamlessly and would not feel different.

This led our asked to wonder if this subtle test held that clue that their interracial relationship did not have a future, as their children would clearly stand out when alone with him. She also wondered if she was over reacting to this revelation and that possibly if their children were mixed race, adopting a White child would then make that child seem out of place.

I don’t have much advice to give and therefore am posing this question to the readers as I have never dealt with this issue since having children is very low on my list of priorities.

So, those who have faced this predicament before – sound off below in the comments section and help our sister out!

Also, do you think this is an effective way to subtly test if your White guy foresees a future with you – particularly if the both of you want families in the foreseeable future.

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9 Comments

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  1. absolog / Feb 18 2013 5:17 pm

    It seems to me that there are more people looking for a back door these days instead of just walking through the front one. Instead of trying to piece together information from subtle questions why not just ask the question. We are all adults here, black or white. When you are constantly seeing posts from people saying they don’t like DRAMA…this is what they mean!!! Example: Okay babe, say one day you were looking at a program about adoption and the question was asked if you were in the market would you want to adopt kids that were from …(fill in the blanks here). This is what people consider Drama…Jargon…Filler Conversation…Beating around the bush…I could go on forever. Example # 2: Do you feel our relationship is a lasting one that could maybe include kids one day? I know the to-the-point question gets a to-the-point answer and it may be one that you weren’t expecting to hear or wanted to here, but it beats assuming any day. This way, you know what to expect and if it’s not what you thought, better to know this now than years down the road.

  2. Kiwiwriter / Feb 18 2013 5:18 pm

    Not a good answer from this woman’s candidate husband, is my first reaction. I think that if they’re committed to adopting, they should not care about the kid’s looks and ethnicity…the mere fact that they’re considering adoption means that appearance are not likely to be similar in the first place. I have pals who adopted two Chinese kids, from China. They were girls, abandoned by birth mothers. The family is Scottish. No way the kids could be seen as anything but adopted. But they’re doing fine, sweet, smart kids, who do modeling on the side.

    I think they need to do some more talking.

    However, I don’t think this issue is a deal-breaker. What’s really at issue is if they want to raise kids that they love and see as a family and heirs to that family, or do they want to raise politically correct fashion accessories.

  3. WingedBeast / Feb 18 2013 5:24 pm

    I’m doubtful about the test. To me, it says that he’s considered having children and wants to, and is potentially ready to plan ahead of time, to think these things through. But, there are many things that are obvious to some that just don’t occur to others until it stares them blatantly in the face, such as that marrying someone of a different race means that the children will be noticably different regardless of how you become their parents.

    A test in and of itself? I’m doubtful. A lead in to another conversation, one that requires a certain point in the relationship, I see that. He may fully intend to marry the woman who asked him the question and have children with her, but not have thought through the social issues regarding those children. So, assuming the relationship is to a point where one can have this kind of discussion, have the discussion.

    The answer alone, doesn’t tell me much.

    Now, if he had said “Oh, I want a rainbow of children, to show the world how much better we are than most people” or “I don’t know. Do children of different races all roast the same or do they need different spices?” sure, those would be clear red flags. But, this response says that more discussion is needed.

  4. Pumpkin G. Magillacutty / Feb 19 2013 3:40 pm

    Maybe he just didn’t want Asian kids.

  5. Danielle Hill / Feb 19 2013 7:21 pm

    I don’t think that necessarily says a man would not be a good match for a long-term interracial relationship. Even though there will be a shade difference between a white father and his mixed children, they would still look like him.

  6. pkayden / Feb 21 2013 5:51 pm

    I don’t understand why she took his response as an indication that he didn’t want interracial children. There are interracial children who look like their White parent. Look at President Obama. He looks way more like his mother than his father. WAY MORE.

  7. Deb / Feb 25 2013 12:02 pm

    Why not have a straightforward talk with him about it. They are 2 grown adults.

  8. MrsNorman / Apr 3 2013 11:07 pm

    This might be a sign that he is a bit selfish with wanting the kids to look like him. Why not get a whole gang of mixed children, that way… No one can feel left out.

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