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February 1, 2013 / admin

Guest Post: How to Overcome Your Fear of Asking a Black Woman Out as a White Male

There is the belief, which actually turns out to be true, that white guys feel intimidated whenever they feel like asking a black lady out. The reason for this is because over the years there have been different opinions and talks about the role of white guys in a relationship to that of black guys. Being a black guy who has many whites as my friends, I know exactly what you are passing through and I know what you can do to overcome this particular fear of asking that black girl that you have since had a crush on.

When you look at this topic of debate, you will come to the conclusion that white guys in the dilemma didn’t bring this on themselves but their counterparts who have set high standards for themselves and these white male are expected to live up to these standards. One of my friends that is White once told me that a girl who he had been trying to ask out wanted him to always be there for her no matter what, but he found it hard to get himself to do it because it was not what he was used to. Although every woman wants her man to be there for her, women from the black community demand and require their man to take that extra step to make sure that she feels like a lady. Little things like going to the salon with her, being in the kitchen telling her stories while she is cooking or knowing the things that she likes etc.

Black women also want some amount of responsibility from their man. A black woman that is mature will not take a lousy fool as her guy. Some time ago, talking about this same matter with a very good friend of mine, he let me know that he couldn’t believe the kind of questions that his date, which happened to be a black girl, asked him on their first date together. It was more like a Steve Harvey interview, where she asked questions from what he does for living, where he stays, if he still stays with his parents, to what he plans to do in the future.

There are few things if not many that you need to work on being a white male so that you can draw the attention of that lovely black lady to you, and these things are not things that will take you forever to imbibe into your character, within few weeks of practicing these things, you will see yourself being attractive to whatever race of women, whether white, black, Asian, or another other.

Your Confidence

One thing that you have to notice in black guys that makes every woman race chase after them is that they have this substantial amount of confidence in whatever they do. Whether they are at work, at school, in sports, at the club, and trying to get a girl, they have the audacity to do things that normal, casual guys would find it very difficult to do.

Girls want a guy that is full of himself. What I mean by that is that girls want a guy that is confident about himself, so that when they introduced him to their friends or their family, they won’t in any way feel withdrawn.

This is the first thing that you need to work on to increase your chances of asking a black girl out. Walk boldly with your shoulder lifted high, your chest out your legs straight. From your walk, a black lady can know whether or not you are confident about yourself. If you have to learn the walk then do it, you can stand in front of a mirror and practice this. I know that some will be asking is that really necessary for one to ask a lady out? Please if you think it is not necessary, don’t do it.

Your Talk

The second thing that you need look into is your talk. Black guy are synonymous with the way they talk. They talk with so much confidence and authority. They don’t mince words or try to remember the next thing they want to say. No, they are not like that, they know at every particular point in time what it say, they are never out of words. If you are planning to ask a black girl out, then you have to make sure that your words are well crafted to make sure your word delivery is well organized.

Many Black guys have a very good sense of humor and this is one thing that girls value so much above all other things. Women want a guy that will make them laugh, that will make them forget about whatever it is that was bothering them; they want to be able to come to you heavy hearted and leave your presence happy and in good mood. This is what you have to do if you are going to overcome you fear of asking her out. You need to have a very good sense of humor and once you’ve got that, you can be sure that you will get her attention faster than you ever imagined.


You need to start mingling with females from the black race or women from other races. Doing this will gradually dissipate that fear you have. If you have friends that are from the black community but never really talked with them or to them, then now is the right time for you to do so. Like it is said, the more you do something, the more familiar you get doing that thing, the same way it is when you start getting closer to individuals from the black community.

Get close to them everywhere, at work, in school, in the clubs, everywhere you think possible. Like my mentor will always say, the more you stay with someone, the more you look like that person.

Make Yourself Available

One thing that white guys find a little bit difficult to do in a relationship is to be there for their partner at all times. The typical black man knows that there is nothing that his woman values more than his presence, so he makes it possible to be there for her no matter what. This is one reasons why white guys say that black women are so demanding, it is not really the fault of the woman but it is because of the way the black males have come to treat them from time past.

So if you are a white guy, you have to make sure you make yourself available for your woman to be. No matter what it takes, make sure that she feels your presence in every way possible.

Define Your Personality

No girl wants to share her man with another, what I mean by that is you have to create yourself, do not try to be someone else. Of course you might look up to someone that you would like to be like in the future but in doing that, your core characters should not be lost in the process. Make sure that you have your own personality and that personality is something that you would want others to live up to.

In defining your personality, you should also make sure you have something that you are known for. Maybe you are a basket ball player, a banker, a dancer, or you love music, maybe you are an artist, or anything at all, make yourself known, even if not to the world or to your country, at least to those around you. There is nothing that my black women love more than a man that is appreciated for what he does. And also make sure that you are good at what you do, if you have to take classes to ensure you improve your craft, then go on and take the class.

Having said all these, there are things that you should not forget, like I said earlier, define your personality. In trying to do all these things, do not forget you are as a person, do not try to overshadow your own person with the different tips that we have talked about here. You can take on these things without changing yourself as a person.

Lastly, don’t limit your mind to the belief or to what you hear that black women are difficult to get, every woman is difficult to get, but it now depends on how well you brace yourself to take on the challenge and make up your mind that you are going to win her over no matter. Black women are wonderful women that pay attention to needs, so be sure that if you have the right intents in mind, you will have the courage to ask any black Woman out.

Author’s Bio

Anthony Walker is an expert on relationship and has helped many build a better relationship through her various articles and resources on her website  She shares on making relationship fun, flirting techniques, seduction tips and many other topics on relationship. For more information you can visit



Leave a Comment
  1. Dani / Feb 4 2013 2:45 pm

    This article is BULLSHIT! I would like to know which idiot wrote this garbage! Must have been a black man smh. This individual is making it seem as if black men are the hottest shit to ever walk the face of the earth! Talking about every race of women chase after black men??? Seriously, that is far from the truth. I’m a black female and I couldn’t care less about those uneducated, ignorant, violent, thug wannabe, womanizing, domineering assholes. Plus, what about the women who are racist and would never even think about being with a black man? You also speak of black men being ‘synonymous’ with the way they talk? Bullshit. The only thing that ever comes out of a black man’s mouth is something about fat asses, big titties, violence, thug life, rap music, disrespecting women etc. In other words nothing good ever comes from they’re lips. ALL of them think alike! I’ve lived in NYC all my life and are around black men 24/7 school, work, at home, etc. And about black men always being there for they’re women is a complete fabrication! Black men are more likely to leave they’re women for superficial reasons and to walk out on they’re children! You see all this talk about black men having confidence, having ‘the talk’,and making themselves available/being there for they’re women is complete garbage. The only thing I can agree with is they have personality, that is the most stupid kind of personality ever and when you say black men mingle, that really means that they fuck everyone in a skirt right? I would think so. So I don’t know what the hell you are talking about. This whole article is trash, what a waste of a blog!

    • admin / Feb 4 2013 4:59 pm

      Hey Dani, I agree this article is definitely written in a slant that makes black men look a lot better than they are but decided to include it because for the most part the tips were good – being confident, mingling with black women, not completely changing your personality, etc.

      I had to edit out a lot of the self serving stuff (if you can believe it there was even more stuff about how great black men are) since that was not relevant to the intended purpose of the article.

      I’m definitely not checking for black men, especially since I have a white boyfriend right now, and we know a lot of other women aren’t either (thus this website!) but I didn’t want to completely change his article! lol

      • Dani / Feb 5 2013 11:59 am

        Oh ok iI understand.

    • Vickiss / Feb 6 2013 4:11 pm

      ” I’m a black female and I couldn’t care less about those uneducated, ignorant, violent, thug wannabe, womanizing, domineering assholes.”

      What happens if you have a son? Will you view him this way ?

      • Dani / Feb 7 2013 3:31 pm

        I will never give birth to a male ! If you must know.

    • Bee / Feb 8 2013 11:53 pm

      Sorry to be pedantic but Dani’s constant use of ‘they’re’ instead of ‘their’ drove me up the wall! If you were going to make such a profound statement you could’ve at least checked the grammar!

      On another note, I disagree with the article as it seems to glorify black men at the expense of belittling others. I’m a black woman FYI.

      • Dani / Feb 11 2013 2:27 pm

        Thanks for your suggestion Bee, but I didn’t ask.

    • NaturalBeauty / Jun 10 2013 10:30 pm

      Dani, I am assuming that you too are an African American woman, however if not, I can understand that as well. Yes, this article was written in a way that does accentuate the features of African American men in a positive and sometimes extravagant way. I also recognize that this is a website strictly directed towards black women and white men, hence the name. However, this article is also to help white men learn how to approach black women in a somewhat simpler way. The individual writing this article was just stating his opinions from experience. I agree with you, no individual will ever attract all people of all races; that is what makes each person special. But, based on what is prevalent in the media, workforce, and everyday life, black men do attract and are open to having relationships with many women and many women are open to having relationships with them.

      When you say that, “The only thing that ever comes out of a black man’s mouth is something about…big titties, violence, thug life, rap music, disrespecting women etc. In other words nothing good ever comes from they’re lips. ALL of them think alike!”, it is just simply demeaning. Based on the history of this country and beyond, black men have worked very hard to even be able stand up straight and to say openly that they are confident and outgoing. There are many different successful black men, may I add, that enjoy positive things outside of what you previously stated. They praise education, enjoy fine arts, get married, volunteer, make families, and simply have access to the finer things in life because they work hard; my father is one of those men. I hope that you will be exposed to men of this quality. Also, the fact that you live in NYC was surprising to me as well, that is where many of these men exist! I understand that it is easy to run into black men who have ruined things for themselves and do fit the description you gave, but so do many men of other cultures as well. I live in a small mid-western town and that is where I would expect to hear your comments, but I usually do not.

      Now, let me say, I am very much attracted to white guys and guys of all nationalities for that matter. However, I feel that in order to find true love and be in good relationships, you must open your heart and be willing to be open to all cultures and look beyond the stereotypes. I understand that at times, it is hard to look beyond the stereotypes, especially when they can be so easily seen on a day to day basis. But, please, I beg of you, do not succumb to pointing out stereotypes simply because it is easy; open your mind and heart, once you begin, it will be hard to remember what life was like before. 🙂

      Last, but certainly not least, for the white men. I would recommend that you follow the advice in the article in moderation. My advice is to simply be yourself. We as black women are not interested in you because you have the traits of black men, but because you have your own traits. Yes, you may need to be a little more outgoing because black women, I myself included, usually expect men, regardless of the race, to make the first move. Do not be afraid to show a woman, of any race how you feel. Asking a question that pertains to her, but is not really ordinary is an easy way to start a conversation with a black woman to show her you are interested. An example would be, “Are you wearing contacts?” This would allow for her to offer you an explanation to begin the conversation, but also allow for her to recognize that you have noticed her eyes.

      Please, do not complicate the notion in your mind that it is hard to approach us or you have to act some different or alternate way to make us like you; because you do not. Being yourself, and this goes for women and men, is the best way to attract someone because then you are certain that they truly like you for you, and that is what is most important. 🙂

    • Tawfiq Ali / Nov 26 2015 8:52 am

      Young Black Queen You Have The Rite To Your own opinion but please don’t make a general stereotype of our black males because whoever created them will be happy because one there women gave up on black men which the slave masters wished for and if you need a better veiw of black men look in better areas and don’t worry about looking for fat asses white men are just not up front with it you are actually the best thing the world has to offer if nobody has told you

    • Daniel / Dec 8 2015 12:21 am

      well said Dani!!!!

  2. Shia / Feb 4 2013 7:25 pm

    Love this blog first and foremost but I agree a bit with the first commenter . The problem is with white guys coming from the same slant as the writer is that you guys focus too much on black men and what they are doing. You guys have been bamboozled by your black male friends or from media or whatever. Literally stop approaching it from that angle if you want to date black women. There are legions of black women who have only dated guys from other cultures, who aren’t really into the aggressive pick up style of most black men or into black men period. This is not the format to flirt with black women who are likely to say yes to a date or relationship.

    Instead of telling white guys to be more obvious with their flirting style or how to recognize if a shyer black women, outgoing black women etc are flirting with you — I think that telling white guys the fastest way to be seen as lame by a black woman who dates IR. No offense. Guys just talk to black women, ***make black women friends*** (instead of just black guys, like seriously they don’t have any info relevant to your IR dating trust me) and see how they like to be asked out. Don’t go for comparison with a black man because a black woman who wants a white man to compare himself to a black man isn’t loving you for you and isn’t a woman you’d want to be dating anyway. And for God sakes, just ask her out man (to like coffee or whatever)! LOL, you never know if she is interested if you don’t try. 😛

  3. vivi / Feb 6 2013 9:21 pm

    i personnaly don’t like ultra confident guys. so confidence part is total bs to me.

  4. Stay / Mar 31 2013 10:52 am

    The author does make some good points, but this article is heavily slanted towards Black men. Tell a guy a woman wants to you be there for her no matter what and he’ll be running for the hills early in a relationship. This article makes us Black women look like smothering demanding women. I know I’m not. It’s easy just to talk to us (well at least me) if I’m interested I’ll let you know. If I smile at you, and find excuses to talk to you or get close to you it means I like you. Now if I don’t well I’ll let you know. Just like women of other races, we’re not going to like everyone who likes us. That’s the same with guys.

    I guess I’m used to interacting with military men who regardless of race seem to have no hesitation about showing their interest. Lucky me. 🙂

  5. Isabelle / Apr 2 2013 4:53 pm

    This article is nonsense. Any white men reading this please IGNORE it for the utter rubbish that it is. All women do not chase after black men ‘what planet are you on?’ black men are not even on my radar. Only a fraction of this article would be regarded as sensible advice the rest is self serving drivel.

  6. Webmaster / Jul 7 2014 3:36 am

    This has got to be the most stupid article I’ve ever read. It is fools like this that cause racial issues in a society.

    It dosent matter if you are black or white the above applies to all men. And it is certainly not only “black” men who give off this aura of confidence.

    Please I don’t know if I should laugh or take this article as an racial insult.

  7. Lou / Jan 14 2015 1:33 pm

    This is the first time I have ever really posted any comment like this but lordy I couldnt help it this time.

    As others have said white guys forget about asking your black male friends trust me in most cases they are CLUE LESS.
    Oh and for the love of heaven, please ask us out if your interested, it can either be yes or no, because I am at a loss after I return your smile.

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