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April 16, 2012 / admin

Dating Interracially Means No Weaves and Extensions!?

Note from an anonymous reader:

“I’m new to interracial dating and have started seeing a white guy who I met at Barnes and Nobles. We have been out on a few dates and he has confessed how much he likes me. He’s really smart and great but I’ve had to deal with something that I never thought about or had to deal with before… he loves to play in my hair!

My hair is thin, a little below shoulder length and although natural, I wear it straightened. He loves running his hands through the back of it, actually all of it, and stroking it. He says he loves the way it feels and how light and soft it is. I’ve worn it this way on dates with him because that was how he met me at Barnes and Nobles (I didn’t think I would wind up meeting him that day!) and he was playing in my hair from date one! Usually, I wear weaves and extensions slightly a bit longer than my own hair to make my hair fuller and because I love having thick, long hair (I’m trying to grow my own hair longer but in the meantime, that’s what these products are there for!).

Now, I feel like I can’t wear my weaves and extensions around him because he will undoubtedly play in my hair while we are together and I will be too embarrassed if he feels around and then asks me ‘What’s this right here?’. I keep thinking of that scene from Something New when Brian tells Kenya that the other Black girls he dated had “real hair”. I never had a problem in the past of feeling fake or any kind of way while wearing my hair extensions/weaves, but for some reason the thought of putting them in and having him discover them mortifies me. Plus, I actually think it’s kind of romantic and sweet that he does this. I’m caught up in a quagmire! what should I do?

By the way, I love your site!!!

Okay guys and gals – leave your insightful thoughts and comments below!


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  1. nev / Apr 16 2012 2:53 am

    the best thing you can do is tell him your adding extra hair to your head and tell him you seen a style you like on a celebrity! take him with you to look at the hair also show him some youtube weavers it somthing new and intresting for him!

  2. Deborah / Apr 16 2012 8:21 am

    I was in a similiar situation and we, (my boyfriend and I ) decided to find a hairstyle that was flattering, natural (I have a relaxer only) for me and would still allow him to play in my hair sometimes (smile). I explained to him about my hair and how some Black women feel about “hair” and he now realizes the cost to get our hair done (he now pays for) and the time it takes to get it done — what Im saying is be honest with him and be honest with yourself and explain about our hair but most importantly explain about you and your hair. Believe me, if he’s into you as a person, as a woman the newness of playing in your hair will be a thing of the past between you two — there’s so much more to your life and relationship than hair. Good Luck. Do you play in his hair?

  3. Simon / Apr 16 2012 2:40 pm

    I prefer BW who wear their natural hair. It’s healthier that way, no? Also, I do like my women with long healthy hair, and in my experience the only BW who had long healthy hair were the ones who hadn’t used relaxers.

  4. Christanera / Apr 21 2012 6:07 am

    The guy or your hair ?
    1) This could be a learning moment for him : you can explain to him that a lot of blk women wear extensions/weaves because we have many ways of styling our hair. The experience will be different for him, but he’ll understand you’ve had a new hairstyle.

    2) You can also presume he will be like Brian in Something new and not like extensions… But is he Brian? While the film is encouraging, it is not a roadmap to interracial relationships. You have to build your own with Mr Barnes & Noble.

    If you really like extensions/weaves, talk to him about it. Have some with him being aware. See how he reacts. And decide if you prefer your guy or your hair.

    From my own experience : my bf use to straighten my hair. I had it permed by a stylist once a month and did maintenance with a straightener. My bf used to help me. Then he got tired of it-my hair is beautiful but massive & full of volumes, it takes ages to do it 🙂 Afterwards, it was easier for me suggesting a shorter style (Keisha Chambers) since he understood how difficult managing my hair was. And we are both happy with this decision

  5. Joseph / Apr 24 2012 7:01 pm

    Believe me, hair is not as important to a guy as it is to a girl. Girls take all day getting it just right and men don’t care as long as you don’t look like Edward Scissorhands. Natural hair is cool, so is permed hair, if a guy likes you, he likes you and not the hair.

  6. Nicole / Apr 26 2012 2:11 pm

    I used to wear extentions but I not like the bulkiness (braids, glue or gel) on my head and the maintenance. I have been without weaves and perms for 24-26 months. My hair is past my full and past my shoulders. I merely wash, condition, oil, style and go. It takes a mere 10 minutes or less. I love the low maintenance. Sometimes, I will flat iron my hair which seems to be a chore. But, I like the fact that I am not sitting in a salon for 3-5 hours.

  7. ecomama / Oct 31 2012 3:09 pm

    You don’t have to make it complicated or long-winded. It doesn’t have to be a history lesson, if you’Re not interested in going there. Just tell him that you’re going to get a weave to protect your hair while it grows out. About 14 words. If you wait til afterwards, and he finds a track, then you can just say, ‘Weave. For protection’ 3 words. Don’t make it a big deal. If he asks for more info, then it means he’s interested in you…

  8. Aire Esther / Apr 4 2013 6:45 pm

    If someone truly loves you,he or she would not find a reason why. . .he or she will love you for who you are,not for your hair,stature,race/colour(black or white),family background(rich or poor),etc. . .he or she won’t even see the reason why!Just love him for who he is and love her for who she is!

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