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February 4, 2012 / admin

Honestly, you asked!


Here’s a new segment I like to call, Honestly, you asked. This is where people ask questions relating to their relationships with white men, black women and you guys give your honest answers in your best attempt at helping.
There’s this awesome wg that I have been getting to know recently. He is a really sweet, somewhat introverted person and I’ve been slowly trying to build an emotional connection and friendship with him after reading lots of advice blogs about why men choose to be with one woman over the other. I make sure that I am always light and easy going, I tease him with playful banter, laugh at his jokes (it helps because he IS funny), I have not tried rushing anything with him, am always dressed to the nines when I see him, etc in an attempt for him to develop real feelings for me beyond a physical attraction.
We became facebook friends a few days ago and of course after pouring all over his page I see that he has a strong emotional connection with another girl who he went to high school with that stems way back. He constantly shares her quotes on his and her (I can see her page) wall, tags her in pictures of things like kittens, leaves inside jokes and in my opinion, lovey dovey comments on her wall or posts videos/music to her wall, likes her statuses, etc. They also share many mutual friends and it appears they hang out every so often because of this. They are not a couple as far as I know, but I have become very insecure and jealous about this ‘other woman’ who definitely does not have a man. I wonder if it is a lost cause to try to develop anything with him and think his friend may be his ‘dreamgirl’ who he just fell into the friend zone with. I don’t want to fall for him and whenever she changes her mind know that my guy will be ghost. I am not sure I can compete with her (I think I look better than her) because of their connection and history so my question is, should I give up trying to win his heart if it appears it already belongs to someone else?
Any advice would be appreciated!
GIVE YOUR HONEST ANSWERS BELOW! Don’t hold back now, ya hear!
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45 Comments

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  1. DDR / Feb 4 2012 6:32 pm

    Lost cause! Stop stalking… cause you have placed him on a pedestal. Unfriend him right now and remember to NEVER FB FRIEND A MAN YOU “LIKE”. Men try to get at me through FB. Hell to the no. Not for men I like! See…men like MYSTERY. Unfriend!

    “I’ve been slowly trying to build an emotional connection”
    Its NOT your job to do that! THERE IS NO CONNECTION BETWEEN YOU AND HIM! If he’s not calling to ask you out on a date, there is nothing, zip zero except your overactive mind.

    MEN ARE NOT WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE WHAT THEY DO.

    The man chases, the woman accepts and this isn’t happening and you’re CHOOSING to give away your power to a man, by the sound of it, who hasn’t even asked you out for a date!

    Women NEVER have to try to win a man’s heart!

    “but I have become very insecure and jealous about this ‘other woman’ who definitely does not have a man.”
    JEALOUS ALREADY?? Girl give it UP! Who cares about that other girl not having a man? None of your biz, why do Black girls do this? Focus on your own damn self!

    Go read this post at this site! http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/are-you-waiting-to-be-chosen-why-its-time-to-put-away-your-choose-me-stick/

    Leave him alone! Give it space. Get busy with your education, job, friends, family, pet. Don’t contact him at all! Keep your feminine power don’t be another insecure Black woman acting a fool over a man who could give a damn about you.

    If he truly wants a relationship with you, he’ll make a move. Otherwise leave it alone.

    My advice to you is sound and true, I know lots about white men and swirling.

    This will be my only message to you as I have nothing else to add, either you are going to unfriend him and move on or you’ll make a fool out of yourself, waste time and lose focus….and come back here asking for more advice.

    • jai / Feb 4 2012 9:08 pm

      I totally agree with DDR, move on sista he’s just not that into you.

    • df / Feb 5 2012 12:10 am

      lmao you are on FIRE DDR, love it!

  2. Let's be Realistic / Feb 4 2012 8:13 pm

    wow DDR you betta preach!

  3. Let's be Realistic / Feb 4 2012 8:22 pm

    1. stop trying to win a guy. i’m sorry i don’t care what post-modern feminists will say, these roles are NATURE. the man should do the initiating of interest. period. period period. there is nothing you can or should do if he isn’t interested, in fact any efforts to “make” him like you will probably make him think you’re desperate and he may not even want to be friends with you any more.

    2. yep, sounds like he likes the girl and did get friendzoned. and from your story it sounds like you have been friendzoned as well. i wouldn’t lose heart, maybe he has a hot guy friend who will want YOU and pursue YOU

    3. the fact that you are “jealous” of a girl you don’t know over a boy who has shown no interest in you means that you have already developed an emotional attachment to the idea of being with him. this is an inappropriate attachment because he has done nothing to earn that attachment from you. make men earn your attachment/emotion, don’t just throw it around freely.

    to answer DDR: I think black girls develop innapropriate attachments because they often grow up in emotionally dysfunctional homes, ie. lack of strong father and brothers, so lack of strong male role models, and possibly over-stressed, bitter mothers struggling under the weight of raising and supporting a family on their own leads to a child with a very hostile sense of the world around them. so the individual grows up desperately hoping to find that “light” in the darkness and doesn’t know how to trust relationships to happen organically.

    hope some of that made sense lol

    • DDR / Feb 4 2012 8:37 pm

      @ Let’s be Real you gave her good advice, hope she takes it… you are 100% correct. Hell yeh too many BG’s don’t have a father figure to model appropriate male relationships thus they get all jiggy and over dramatic over men who aren’t even their bf’s or husbands, I see them on buses and the street, fighting over men, cussing out other BG’s. Mainly I think the BG female hiphop generation is at a serious disadvantage concerning relationships. I chose to reply to you but I’ve bowed out from more dialogue with the young lady in question cause she has her answer, though I do wish her luck cutting that dude off.

    • Aisha / Feb 5 2012 2:16 am

      Great response!

    • ecomama / Feb 7 2012 6:58 am

      Exactly!
      I think she should ask him to introduce her to one of his friends. She needs to date more.

  4. Aisha / Feb 5 2012 2:10 am

    I think you should definitely pull back, before your feelings go any deeper. Right now you’re coming from a place of insecurity, and that’s definitely a good foot to start off on.

    Regarding this other woman, I understand where you are coming from and why you feel threatened by their close friendship and history. However, I have seen guys (even players) push every other woman to the side when they find the one they want to be with. If he is worthy, he will make it abundantly clear that you come FIRST and ONLY. You won’t have to doubt your place in his life.

    Try not to think about him as much, and if possible, date other guys. Just back off a little bit and see what happens. Take care and good luck.

    P.S. Be careful with Facebook, because you’re not getting the full backstory of people, only seeing little snippets here and there.

    • Aisha / Feb 5 2012 2:12 am

      I meant NOT a good foot to start off on, lol.

  5. “They are not a couple as far as I know, but I have become very insecure and jealous about this ‘other woman’ who definitely does not have a man.”

    That statement right there should be your “ah-ha” moment. Why are you jealous and feeling insecure about a chic you don’t know and you said you look better than? Females kill me with this stuff man. Are you really that desperate for a man that you need to work that hard? Let him chase you and if he’s not then focus on your personal growth.

    • DDR / Feb 5 2012 7:16 pm

      @g2-
      you know what I’ve noticed? BW act a fool about men that aren’t even their BF and WW act a fool about the man AFTER they’re BF/GF/married!! WW get the man FIRST while BW live in their heads with soap opera fantasies. I blame generational fatherlessness, misogynist hiphop and those damn Housewife reality shows.

      • Let's be Realistic / Feb 5 2012 8:17 pm

        “bw live in their heads with the soap opera fantasies”

        wow DDR so true. but i don’t think its that they’re “blaming” their background i think its that black women don’t get legitimate opportunities to learn about relationships. however, not an excuse for the imaginary soap operas becuase that only brings more harm to BW

      • DDR / Feb 5 2012 8:25 pm

        @Lets
        They are not blaming their background **I** am. Generational fatherlessness leaves young BW at a serious romantic disadvantage however, this is the age of Oprah and google is their friend many blogs out there to help guide them.

        Which is why my advice on this blog is always Tough Love style, regarding men/relationships, they can’t afford to be coddled or hand held as many of them are already mothers or wish to become mothers. Notice I didn’t say wife. Sigh.

      • Thehell / Feb 5 2012 8:57 pm

        How is this comment constructive or even relevant? All, I repeat all, types of women act a fool about men they aren’t in relationships with. Who the hell do you think bought the majority of those The Rules books? Since most of you are using this girl’s question to chastise and act like you’ve never been caught up on a guy, I’ll actually try to help.

        Based on what you said about his facebook activity he sounds smitten and probably has a strong bond with his friend or is in the process of dating and converting her to his real gf although they are not yet a couple (since it sounds like it’s only a matter of time). If they’ve been that way towards each other for a long time maybe it could mean nothing, if they have just recently started I would say realistically it means something. Nobody really knows though and the only way you would know is if you asked him or her, but you should not do that for obvious reasons.

        The chances of you establishing a stronger bond with him is slim and grim because they have history on their side. Think about it this way, chances are low that any new girlfriends you meet will supersede the relationship you have with say your best friend who you’ve known since kindergarden regardless of how nice and cool that person is with two exceptions –
        1, you and your best friend completely fall out or in this case, he and his best friend date, make a mess of things and fall out *you should not bank or wait on this*
        2, you are around him and engage him more than she does And you are just as, if not more, compatible with him. Because if he has everything in common with her and nothing in common with you (or he doesn’t perceive you to) it doesn’t matter.

        As Aisha said about guys forsaking every other girl for a girl they truly like, if he thought you were more or just as good as his friend he would probably be chasing or trying to connect deeper with you. But I know when I’m really into someone (as he may be with her) I usually cannot give other men (you in this case) a fair shot – so your timing could be off. If it is, there is nothing you will be able to do about it.

        It’s an uphill battle. If he has not made a move towards you then there is a chance he has put you in the friend zone and just does not see you romantically. He thinks you are ‘nice’. You may look better than her but we all know guys in relationships with girls and we can only think huh? It’s not all about looks, although that helps.

        The best way to raise his interest level is to keep putting your best foot forward physically, flirt with him to get out of the friend zone, be a challenge or intriguing to him (hold your own in conversations, don’t just agree or laugh at everything he says, crack jokes and raise your value in his eyes by pursuing other men (talk to other guys and girls in his presence – everyone loves the person everyone else loves). Finally, I know it will be hard but you have to stop reading their facebook pages! There should be some sort of app that will let you stop doing this! Hmm… I think I just found my next business idea!

  6. Thehell / Feb 5 2012 9:27 pm

    By the way plenty of WW and AW ‘plot’ to get a man. Plot makes it sounds bad but they are active (in a smart way) instead of passive, as you may like to think! Maybe more black women should be doing this rather than just accepting or working from the kruff that comes their way instead of choosing. WW and AW see a guy, assess him and realizes he has potential or is a good catch and they set about getting him (if he hasn’t noticed her) by flirting and using their feminine wiles to pique his interest.

    The only difference is WW/AW have a slight advantage as it’s not seen as much of a taboo for the guy to be with her (they are not othered) and just by virtue of being White or Asian many men view them as beautiful even if they are plain as day, especially if she is not overweight or fat and puts the least bit of effort in her appearance.

    Now that being said there is only so much you can do (which is what you are doing now) and I would never recommend contorting or pretending to be someone you are not (especially where lifestyle, values and morals are concerned) just to snag him or you will be miserable. You are on the right track as far as being fun, light and easy are concerned, just don’t be a pushover because men truly do like to be intrigued and kept on their toes.

    It’s different if a man is into you first than when he is not. If he wasn’t head over heels for you first (being together was your idea) and he thinks you are cool but realizes you are too into him there will be no challenge! I think the best advice is to lay it on, enjoy flirting with him, but don’t expect or care too much about the outcome. Managing your expectations will keep you from acting or giving off desperate vibes. The best way to do this is to find lots of men who are desirable and work them all at once – see it as a game!

    • Aisha / Feb 6 2012 12:12 am

      Another awesome response!

    • Let's be Realistic / Feb 6 2012 8:16 am

      I agree, but i think we assume too much about AW, they do have it a little easier than BW but I do think that they are “othered” in some ways as well. white girls are very jealous of them and make up all kinds of rumors about them having “sideways vaginas” lol similar to the rumors they start about “large vaginas” i think asian girls have more positive stereotypes in terms of men than negative ones so its easier for them to use their “otherness” to an advantage. plus other asians tend to act like they have sense, so there isn’t the same negative stigmas attached to them as a race.

      it sucks because asians get so much respect for being the model minority, but they wouldn’t have been able to do any of the things they have in this country without blacks paving the way for equality and civil rights. and on one hand, we have the modern black youth, spitting in the face of the blacks that did pave the way, and on the other hand, we have asians turning up their nose at blacks as if they are some how morally and ethnically superior, completely forgetting that everything they’ve done here in America has been built on the shoulders of the blacks before them. annoying. but some asians however, are more than willing to associate with another educated, classy person of color.

  7. ecomama / Feb 7 2012 6:55 am

    You have a wonderful romantic nature, I applaud that, but do not let it blind you to or cause you to embellish the facts.
    Lets look at the facts.
    Fact #1: You are friends with this guy.
    Fact #2: He likes to hang out with you.
    Fact #3: He has friended you on FB – so you can see his other friends.

    This is what guys do with their friends. He is not interested in you romantically.

    Everything else is in your head, ie. a product of your imagination. Use this as a learning experience – now you know what you find attractive in a guy. Just THIS isn’t the guy. You will know when a guy likes you.
    Your best bet either way is to step back, get your head clear and get on with your life. IF he suddenly finds he cannot do without you, then he should do the chasing and the date-making.

    I’m not saying anything the other posters haven’t said, just without the negative comments.

  8. helesetalks / Feb 7 2012 10:48 pm

    Firstly let me say this issue has NADA to do with this guy being white.

    Secondly, this isn’t really an issue at all.

    Ever heard that phrase “he’s just not that into you”? See, from the jump I saw that you were doing too much to try to get this guy to like you, and you shouldn’t have to DO that. You shouldn’t have to “make sure” that you’re doing anything in particular. JUST BE YOURSELF. You’re great. If this guy doesn’t see you that way, make space in your life for someone who does. Remember: men are the agressors, so let them work hard for your affections.

    http://www.helesetalks.wordpress.com

    • DDR / Feb 7 2012 11:04 pm

      Your blog is awesome! Well done.

  9. DK / Feb 11 2012 12:32 am

    I remember when someone used to have panic attacks and told me they couldn’t live without me and I’d hold them and fix them as they sat on the floor crying. I remember when this same person used to have money problems, and I’d fix them. I wasn’t always perfect, but worked 2 jobs to give her a beautiful wedding and co-signed so she could get the car she always wanted. I remember when another friend held a gun to her head after her fiance broke up with her and I held her together. I remember when the same person had nobody in the world while she was in basic training, and I’d write her every single week to keep her spirits up. I remember when she used to fight with her first husband, and I’d talk to her late on the phone and try my best to brighten her day. I’d make her laugh and listen as she cried. I also remember giving this person money when no one else would so she could use it for moving expenses. And I remember another person who was in a fucking mental institution and I gave her support every single day. I even gave her a place to live when even her own father wouldn’t let her stay with him. And, all 3 turned their backs on me this week. So, what’s my problem – do I trust the wrong people? Or I am just an idiot?

    • Ruthlyn Oliver / Feb 11 2012 1:12 pm

      Dan go comment on some other blog and fuck off, you stalker. Your problem is YOU ARE OBSESSED. You make people feel TRAPPED. You don’t help people out of the kindness of your heart…it’s for selfish reasons. GO AWAY. Don’t make me call you out.

  10. DK / Feb 11 2012 5:48 pm

    I will refrain from posting on this blog in the future with the exception of this 1 post. However, I want to make it very clear that I’m not a stalker by any means. I didn’t go through every single photo of you and like/comment on them including pictures of you with your ex. I didn’t send dozens of texts in a matter of minutes when I was freaking out to you. Nor did I apologize to you for spending over an hour on the phone with my ex about his sexual voyeurism.

    I do help people out of the kindness of my heart. For 4 years, we were nothing (well, we certainly felt an emotional connection) more to one another than friends and I was always there to listen to you and to help you.

    To conclude, you can tell your story as you see it; however, I have the factual evidence anytime anyone wishes to see it that I was DIRECTED to this blog by someone who was concerned that I was being played out; which I apparently was. I never, NOT ONCE, googled you. I have more RESPECT FOR YOU than to do something like that.

    I posted with my own initials and posted a quote that I said to you numerous times in the past. Why would someone who’s actively stalking you let it be known in no uncertain terms that he/she has read and commented on said blog?

    I wish no ill will upon you and do not wish to have a pissing match/argument with you because I don’t feel it’s productive. I told you a week and a half ago that you deserve to find someone who will love you and be good to you and provide you with what you need. And, I truly mean that. You made your decision known to me that you felt like we couldn’t be in a relationship together and I backed off.

    You felt trapped by me because I would “like” your Facebook status and MUTUALLY discuss the future. When you were going through tough times, I felt that our friendship allowed me to offer you emotional support, AS I HAD DONE IN THE PAST, but alas, I realize that what you needed was personal space (even though we’re separated by 600 miles and talked maybe 2-3 times a week on the phone). And, that’s exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to let you vent and get off your chest your personal shit and to try to help you.

    To reiterate – anytime anyone wants to see the evidence of what compelled me to post here, I will gladly share it.

    Other than that – I don’t feel I have any further insight to share.

    For 5 years, WE WERE FRIENDS and at one point, possibly more. We shared very intimate secrets/stories with one another.

    It’s a SHAME that things devolved in the past 30 days to how they have, but you will always hold a SPECIAL place in my heart, and I’ve never given you any reason to doubt my sincerity or the veracity of what I say.

    I would never say anything disparaging about you, even though there are some things I could say, because I know who you really are, just as you know, in your heart, who I really am. A stalker is not someone who gave you a month in November to sort through your issues or who didn’t talk to you for basically a year due to the fact that you told me you “hated me” when I “betrayed” you. When I finally did contact you, it was simply to tell you that you were right and to apologize to you.

    There was a time in my life where due to my love for you as a friend where I’d have given my right arm to help you. That’s my personality. It’s not because I’m obsessed. It’s because I’m a loyal and good friend. I’m the type of person who you can depend on when you are down on your luck.

    You are a good person who is going through a very tough situation, and I will not be posting further. I have been true to my word in not contacting/engaging you and will not do so in the future.

    Ruthlyn, may God truly provide you with the strength to achieve every endeavor you choose to embark upon.

    ‘We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have STRAINED, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the BETTER ANGELS of our nature.’

  11. Let's be Realistic / Feb 12 2012 11:42 pm

    LOL WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

    • Ruthlyn Oliver / Feb 16 2012 7:23 am

      DAN DON’T FUCKING ADDRESS ME ANYMORE. Alright Dan, you asked for it! Dan is stalking me and harassing his ex wife. I mention him cryptically in a sentence…in which he claims that SOMEONE ELSE read my comment and then “directed” him to it. He has been googling me to find this blog. Made a 10-minute video pleading for me to move in with him after I stopped talking to him for several days. He was an online friend for 5 years then I met him in person to find out that he’s a creep and he’s filthy. He lets his cat piss all over the place and the dog do whatever the hell he wants to do. His house smells like cat piss and bleach. He was honestly a rebound once the Nathan thing didn’t work out but he MADE himself that way by blowing my shit up the moment he found out I broke up with Nathan. I had a good time, I mean he treated me nice and showed me off to his friends and family but i’m not terribly impressed.I hung out with him TWO WEEKENDS and he’s already talking about marriage and babies. I’m like “dude….I JUST fucking got my wedding called off, calm down.” The time I spent with him only made me miss Nathan. He spends every spare moment he has on facebook…and IN IR GROUPS. It’s annoying. He’s CONSTANTLY talking to random black women on facebook. Yeah. I been there, done that Dan. And then when something doesn’t go his way he pouts and complains like a little BITCH instead of facing it and dealing with it like a man. When his ex wife didn’t sign the papers when HE wanted her to, he said shit like “I wanna find her and choke the shit out of her”. He talks to his mother SO disrespectful too and one time snapped on me for no reason. RED FLAGS all around. He is a delusional and filthy man. You don’t even wash your hands and then wanna hold mine? GROSS. Yeah, you’re a doctor of pharmacy but you spent your whole life in school dude so you’re sheltered as shit. Not to mention your mommy and whole family live within a 5 mile radius.NO THANKS.

      His ex wife had to get a restraining order and I started the process for one too. I sent his local police unit message after message he continuously sended me after I told him to leave me alone. The only reason why he’s on here is because I blocked him from facebook, gmail… and my phone. Thank god he doesn’t have my new address!! SHIT Dude he’s worse than Josh. He has had a relationship with me IN HIS HEAD for all this time so now he feels he’s ENTITLED to have me where he wants me. And Dan I don’t give a fuck that you make 6 figures, i’m into military guys. Guys who don’t bitch and complain when things don’t go their way. Grow a pair, stand up straight- your posture is horrendous. I’m out of your league. THe problem with guys like Dan is that they don’t think ANY black womean is out of their league.

    • Ruthlyn Oliver / Feb 16 2012 7:24 am

      he is trying to sound like he’s this angelic person, but he treated his ex wife like shit. saying “I own you” and calling her a fat lazy peice of shit.

  12. Let's be Realistic / Feb 16 2012 7:55 am

    omg…i couldn’t finish reading after “cat piss and bleach” lol i literally fell out of my chair and laughed for ten minutes …..but I will send you some positive vibes for better relationships in the future 🙂

    good luck ruthlyn! and be careful (no more internet guys)

    • Ruthlyn / Feb 17 2012 1:17 pm

      Dude he’s disgusting. His poor ex wife keeps calling, texting, venting and he’s commenting on here t remain relevant. Nothin but I rebound. I REFUSE to read anything else this man has to say. See how he blows shit up? I’m not even reading it. I feel so bad for her. He won’t leave either of us alone.. I will have to show the police this thread at as well. He must think I’m bluffing.

    • Ruthlyn / Feb 17 2012 1:23 pm

      My relationship with Dan is entirely in his head. As you can see, he’s got selective memory andd bases all of what he knows about me on some fantasy he has. He’s so fucking weird….I wish I never gave him the time of day.

      • DK / Feb 17 2012 10:33 pm

        Or took a picture of me while I was sleeping. Or told me you loved me like 100,000 times

  13. DK / Feb 16 2012 10:53 am

    Again – the proof is in the pudding. I’ll gladly share with you the emails anytime you’d like to see them.

    You also neglected to mention how when you met my mom, you called her “mom,” how you said you wanted to be with me NUMEROUS TIMES, how you said that you hoped “OUR” son looked like the guy in some video, etc etc etc. You called me the night you married Josh and we spoke on the phone for over an hour. After your divorce, you wanted to be with me. You settled for Nathan.
    You added all of my friends and family members on Facebook as your friends after coming to see me the 2nd time.

    You stated numerous times through texts and emails your desire to be with me. However, once you called my soon-to-be ex-wife, who you and her had a history of fighting on Facebook and through texts (gee – if you didn’t care about me – why would you do that while she and I are engaged and while we’re married) – you flipped the script. There was a drastic change in your dealings with me.

    You couldn’t wait to come here for the New Years to have your New Year’s kiss. Maybe it was because you weren’t over Nathan or because you felt insecure. I don’t know.

    You had a great time with me and told me such numerous times. Either you were lying then or you’re lying now.

    Your issue was that you were afraid of coming here and being put into the same situation that you found yourself in when things didn’t work out with Nathan. I told you in the video I made that I understood that and respected that.

    I AT ONE TIME, truly hoped that you and I could have been in a relationship together, and was willing to make sacrifices to do so. I NEVER begged you to be with me. And, for you to sit here and deny the fact that you wanted to be with me is laughable.

    You made an entire Facebook post detailing how I was better than Nathan because I treated you like a queen. I don’t know if you did that for attention or to get back at him, or if you were lying, but we’re starting to see a pattern here – aren’t we?

    You had me talk on the phone with your mother. You showed my pictures to your co-workers and to your boss.

    I’m not friends with your ex-husband at all, but I’m sure he would gladly corroborate this being as how MY NAME was the cause of some of your quarrels during your marriage.

    As to my soon-to-be ex-wife – 1) Yes I was pissed that she didn’t sign the divorce papers as promised because she’s trying to hold out for even more money which she is not entitled to. Yes – I said some things regarding that in the heat of anger that I don’t actually mean 2) The TRO that she had served on me was dismissed in court by a judge and was found to be baseless and a waste of the court’s time 3) She was arrested for domestic violence 1 month into our marriage – HOW SHOULD I SPEAK TO HER after she pulled a stunt like that 4) my issues with my ex-wife are NONE of your business and frankly, it’s very UNSEEMLY of you to bring these up when you don’t know the whole story

    I DON’T feel entitled to have you at all. It’s actually a BLESSING that someone who does the sort of 2-faced things that you do isn’t with me because I don’t need that again.

    When you wrote shit about me in your Xanga in 2007 and shared them with me, RED FLAGS should have gone off in my head.

    The only person who EVER googled you from my computer is you. You Google yourself because you’re worried about your privacy.

    You’re acting like this because you feel as if I invaded your privacy.

    Again – you brought me up on multiple blogs and in multiples sentences.

    AND I WILL GLADLY SHARE THE EMAIL WHERE MY FRIEND DIRECTED ME TO YOUR COMMENTS ETC.

    As to my family – my entire family does not live within 5 miles. My mother, brother, and father do. That’s it. The rest of my relatives live far away.

    Trust me, I’m far from sheltered.

    My salary and car are not important things to me. They seem to be to you though as you mention how I’ll be fine because of the money I make. These things are luxuries in life. What’s important is the people in my life and the people I care about.

    I reached out to you as a friend in a time of need, and you basically said, Fuck you to me. Again, when you were in times of need and desperate, I was always there to help you.

    I am far from a perfect person, but you, Ruthlyn, have at times, had serious issues with your self-esteem and your self-worth and you’re desperately trying to save face here.

    What you’re saying are half-truths and down-right distortions to make yourself look good and to make me look bad.

    Deep down, you are a GOOD person, and I know your true feelings about me and yourself.

    If I was such a creep, why would you come here 2 times to see me? Why would you tell me you want to be with me? Why would you call my mom, “mom?” Why would you take numerous pictures with me and send them to yourself?

    As to what I do in my spare time – I don’t spend all of my spare time on Facebook nor do I talk to women in IR groups. I’ve been done with talking to those people for a while now. I have no interest in being with another poisonous person who’s going to do nothing but try to fuck me over.

    Ruthlyn – I wish you the best in your life. 5 years from now – you will come to regret how this played out.

    • Ruthlyn / Feb 17 2012 1:20 pm

      For real, Dan? You really think I’m gonna read this shit? I thought you were gonna kill yourself? Oh, guess not. Dude you’re nuts.I told you to leave me alone so many times. Nobody gives a shit about you on here…you don’t matter so just go away. Can’t wait to get home and take screenshots of this to email the police. You are such a stalker. No clue what “leave me alone” means.

      • DK / Feb 18 2012 7:19 am

        Trust me. I want nothing to do with this drama and petty nonsense. My entire life has been thrown for a tail-spin the past 8 months and the last thing I need is more nonsense and BS. Please stop trying to bait me into responding. You didn’t even post on this particular blog entry and as soon as I made a post, where I never mentioned you by name, you blew things up. You have no grounds for any kind of legal in-junctures against me being as how you’re contacting me/addressing me/starting with me. I posted on this entry FIRST, NEVER NAMING YOU AT ALL. THAT IS NOT A CRIME. YOU RESPONDED to me and addressed me. This is childish. We both have more than our own plates full without adding nonsense to it. So, please – CEASE AND DESIST before this turns into something even more crass and petty. I won’t post on this website (I’ve already blocked your gmail, Youtube etc) provided that you don’t continue to talk junk about me and you leave my name out of you mouth. I have expressed very clearly that I have no desire to fight/talk to you. And, yet, you continue to push things. NOT ME.

  14. DK / Feb 16 2012 2:20 pm

    I’m done with these petty and childish “arguments” with you on here. I just think it’s funny that for someone who wants nothing to do with me that you’re still talking to my wife who I’m divorcing about me.

    Ruthlyn – have a nice life.

  15. DK / Feb 16 2012 11:29 pm

    Well, I just found out that a kid who I’ve been friends with since I was 13 years old decided it would be ok to fuck my estranged wife. And, now, somehow, she’s pregnant with his child. So, Ruthlyn – have a great life. Trust me when I say you will never hear from me again.

  16. DK / Feb 17 2012 10:39 pm

    Please stop trying to bait me into fighting with you.

    • Joseph H / Apr 12 2012 10:35 pm

      As I’ve read these comments they have totally deterred from the blog post. As far as this inside drama goes, I am researching and have been researching extensively for a dissertation on interracial relationships. I have read the YouTube book which outlines Ruthlyn and her interracial marriage. As I have learned, since that book came out in 2008 she has now divorced because he dated a girl while they were in the process of divorce. He has since got married to her, they now , expecting a child, have just moved to Colorado and Ruthlyn has gotten involved with numerous white men, one being the one commenting on the blog who ironically dated Ruthlyn while he too is still married one being the one commenting on the blog who ironically dated Ruthlyn while he too is still married. Wow! History repeats itself!
      As for the blog post, this is a common case that most bw establish with wm. This is relationship in your head. Believe me he has no interest in this particular bw However I’m pretty sure he’s aware she’s interested and he will keep flirting or stringing her along. Don’t fall victim to this and do yourself a service and move on.

      • Ruthlyn / Apr 14 2012 10:42 am

        You’re writing a disertation and involving peices of what you think is my life. And where is this book? This is just too bizarre. Lol I was never told part of my story was in a sacred book of youtube? Is it an ebook? I think its funny too how you’re updating us on the other couple. Have you come back to stir some more trouble? Lol anyone with any sense can see the guy above is nuts and yet you’ve come here to dog me. Interesting, “Mr. Hutch”

      • Ruthlyn / Apr 14 2012 11:43 am

        I have to be honest, I highly doubt someone’s PhD would be acquired by commenting on blogs and harping on my life and others. That’s pretty pathetic, yet flattering that your livelihood is founded on my personal life. Lol do trust Mr. Hutch (if that’s even your real name), if there is such a publication that uses my name like you have, I will most certainly be filing a lawsuit.

      • Ruthlyn / Apr 14 2012 11:45 am

        And if you ARE one of the other couple, please do yourself a favor and let it go!!! For the sake of your family, for the love of God and all that is holy, let. It. Go!!!

      • Romans 12-21 / Apr 25 2012 1:09 am

        How would you acquire grants/funding for such an under-taking? What kind of an academic department would allow you to posit such nonsense off as legitimate research?

  17. Ruthlyn / Feb 23 2012 12:09 pm

    Im not trying to bait you, YOU FUCKING WISH! I want you to stop commenting here and stop contacting me! I want you to leave me alone and I want to never hear from you again. I am not reading anything you’re writing because I don’t care. YOU ARE STALKING ME AN IT NEEDS TO STOP

    • Joseph H / Apr 12 2012 10:46 pm

      I messed up royally on the last post. It was to say she ironically got involved with a man who was still married. Im not passing judgement on anyone but through my research black women have very impressionable minds when it comes to white men. Blogs such as this perpetuate the stereotype of white men being the most desired male-above another race. It has nothing to do with black women being desired, it’s about black women desiring white men. I will say that Asian women are much more obsessed with the white male though.

    • Joseph H / Apr 15 2012 1:19 am

      http://books.google.com/books?id=WqMUyFbaMusC&pg=PA75&lpg=PA75&dq=YouTube+ruthlyn&source=bl&ots=VbOjaP0EdU&sig=lPayaKrMFYVI0_79AygLThaFhIY&hl=en&sa=X&ei=pleKT7XZGoqogweQgsXfCQ&ved=0CGAQ6AEwCw

      Here is the book. And don’t doubt me bc after all these blogs have been said and done you look like a person whom needs psychological assistance. I don’t follow you or your life but interracial relationships fascinate me bc it’s still taboo. In the midst of researching I came across you and from what I gather you started off as proactively supporting it to disdaining the thought of it after white men have hurt you. HOWEVER that is typically the reason why black women date outside their race in the first place; because men of their own race have hurt them. Women need to realize men are men!

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