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January 20, 2012 / admin

Should you be Skeptical of White Men who only Date Black Women?

A recent comment on a previous post sparked today’s entry. That comment made reference to White guys who go after Black women only and whether or not they are to be trusted.

I’ve seen this advice doled out to Black women before – “Beware of White men who only date Black women”. Why? Because more than likely they fetishize Black skin and are not so much interested in who you are as a person. In other words, they see your blackness more than they see you. But is this really true?

If you are a Black women who has only dated White men or prefer to date WM only because you find yourself really attracted to them, does this mean that you are fetishizing White men too?

I’m torn on this one, because honestly I prefer to date White men who haven’t dated Black women before. I just find that they seem to like me because of who I am after getting to know me, not liking me off the bat because of how they think I am or will act. Of course I have no reference point because I have never dated a White man who has dated Black women before me or exclusively sought out Black women to date.

What do you guys think? Speak on it below!



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  1. WingedBeast / Jan 20 2012 9:18 pm

    In general, I’d be suspicious of anybody who “only dates X”. “I only date botonists” “I only date Libertarians” “I only date french weavers who were born on a tuesday or thursday in April”. Usually these come along with a host of presumptions about how X and not-X act, the flaws inherant to not-X, etc.

    Either that or it can come with a huge hubris to say “I don’t have to compromise any of my superficial requirements and I don’t think of (insert oriented sex here) as people that involve anything but my superficial requirements.”

    Someone who has preferences knows that the person they might find themselves with will most likely fit some, but not all of their personal ideals, acknowledging that people have no obligation to conform to their fantasies, seeing people as… people.

  2. df / Jan 21 2012 9:29 pm

    i dated a guy who dated all races but then pretty much started dating black women exclusively after having a very serious relationship with a black woman. fairly normal and very nice guy. Usually if there aren’t obvious red flags about a person that only dates black women, I ask questions and it usually comes out if their attraction comes from an unhealthy place….sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.

  3. Let's be Realistic / Jan 21 2012 11:58 pm

    skeptical of all white men as of late lol so my answer would be yes, definitely yes

  4. Ruthlyn / Jan 22 2012 2:19 pm

    Yes. All the white men I’ve dated have a sense of already knowing who I am and instead of crediting my PERSONAL qualities to who I am, they are credited to the fact that i’m black. So i’m a strong woman because i’m a black woman, i’m beautiful because i’m black, i’m tough because i’m a black woman, i’ve got a great body….not because I hit the gym, but because i’m black. I really hate that my characteristics are rarely seen as individual in the eyes of white men who only date black women.

  5. pkayden / Jan 25 2012 5:22 pm

    I don’t understand what’s the problem with WM who only date BW. What’s wrong with a preference? BW are always shooting themselves in the foot. Have you ever heard a WW express caution about dating BM who only date WW? Doesn’t make any sense.

    • jessie / Jan 26 2012 4:00 pm

      i think its not the same as bm only dating ww because bm(who date only ww) have more of a postive view of them and they have more exposures to them so they see them more a person than a stereotype.

      • Mike / Feb 10 2013 12:02 am

        in the last 13 years i’ve only dated 2 white girls and had a 2 serious relationhips with 2. i’ve dated over a dozon black girls and had serious relationships with 4 of them (my best relationships).. from true experience it has nothing to do with a “fetish”.. i prefer black women over white. i’ve NEVER looked at color as an issue and i’ve NEVER CARED about anyone elses opinions in regards to my relationships or the women in my life. i still get a approached and commented on by poeple as i’ve been openly dating and in serious relationships with black women for well over a decade. i ignore them sometimes and answer others. i always stand strong and do MY thing regardless of all the miserible and inexperienced poeple around me… a color is a color is a color… in other words, it doesn’t matter and shouldn’t matter. whether a friend or a girlfriend it should only be about feelings and compatibility NOT color.. damn shame more people aren’t open minded nowadays…

    • D / Aug 16 2012 4:24 pm

      Agreed Jessie. My man has NEVER dated a white girl. He said he’s just never found them attractive. So what about gays/lesbians, is there something wrong with them too? haha. Silly ppl.

  6. Let's be Realistic / Jan 26 2012 9:50 am

    “BW are always shooting themselves in the foot.”

    I’m pretty sure my feet don’t depend on the approval of a white boy.

    • Kshot / Feb 14 2013 5:49 pm

      Who the baby daddy – he is a white man. I have date hundreds of black women and had sex with at least 100 black women – nothing wrong with just wanting to date or be with black women – no one cares what you think or anything about you – but God. No one leave this earth alive – not even a women who thinks so highly of herself like you – Cheers!

  7. Let's be Realistic / Jan 26 2012 8:08 pm

    like jessie said, the dynamics are just different. white women are the majority, so most times they are lumped into the “general female” category, especially with the aid of the media only showing them 99% of the time–which is partly fair because they are the majority.

    black people, black women especially are more of a “niche” so its hard for black women to know which white men are into black women as a “niche” thing….like men who like thigh high fish nets…and which white men like black women because they are just more naturally attracted to them. i think thats where the hesitance comes in….because no woman wants to be some guys kinky little fantasy, that makes her feel odd and unwanted for serious relationships

  8. Ruthlyn / Jan 27 2012 7:25 pm

    exactly. We’re black first, then women second. I’m sick of it.

    • Average white man / Apr 3 2012 10:09 am

      If you wish to stop being black first, then stop refering to yourself as BLACK females/women. And start seeing yourself as a person first who happens to be black. I have dated women who are black, however I have found most BLACK women when approached by White men tend to reject them out of hand. I find it ironic that in Black culture that when a bm dates a ww he is look at with esteem by other blacks as if he hit the lottery. But when a wm dates/marries a bw she is viewed as a sell out. I don’t think this double standard helps white men see black women as potential dating partners.

      • blessedlover / Apr 7 2012 12:08 am

        My God, finally a white man that makes common sense and speaks the honest truth! I am a black women who’s been with “my white man” for seven wonderful years, and yes we are married. “We don’t see each other as black or white, but as people, human beings that deeply love each other. When I was growing up, white boys have always found me attractive and I found them equally attractive. I dated several and had a great relationship that turned into a long and grateful friendship. I have learned if a man of any race desires to ask me out, I didn’t refuse. I found knowledge and acceptance and enjoyed their company. Sexual encounters weren’t always on their mind, they desired companionship and friendship. And yes if the moment arose
        we made love. My Husband is white and he is a good man. He loves me for the
        women that I am. He always tells me, he feel in love with my heart and what’s inside.
        The first time that I fell asleep in his arms, I knew I was in love! Seven years strong
        and we are mature enough to “bypass” the stupid stuff, we kid about our races, our people, the good, the bad and the ugly in every race. Both of us served in the military and are retired…..we’ve been around the world, cultures and have “grown up” and reflect on our lives. I love him and race should be the “last” thing in any relationship!

      • Ruthlyn / Apr 9 2012 4:27 pm

        A white male telling me how to approach my identity as a black woman! Cute, but you took my statement out of context. And this blog nor the comments are talking about anyone’s darling husband or the GOOD men who don’t make race a central point of their attraction. Please read the blog and comments again…We’re also not slamming IR…just saying its not all rainbows and flowers!

  9. Let's be Realistic / Jan 28 2012 10:35 am

    yeah basically when i was a few years younger and first discoverd the IR blogs etc. I thought I was being exposed to a whole new world of romantic possibilities. I don’t want to discourage girls but I just want to put the truth out there, don’t start going for white boys because yout think it will be easier than black guys. it can and will be just as difficult, demeaning and potentially damaging. and this is coming from someone who is decidedly attractive–and realistically most women are average so factor that in to where you stand as well.

    advocating black girls go for white boys (as in chase them down, etc.) just seems like a plot for another lethal blow to black female self esteem.

    i feel like half the people who write these blogs haven’t really spent much time in white social circles or environments at all. they sound like 30+ yr old black women who figure out that no black men are in their socioeconomic environment then they decide to be “down with the swirl” lol and start making blogs about dating white guys. in all honesty i feel like these people have no idea what actual white culture is about. at all.

    here’s the ugliest of ugly truths (as far as my experience would relay) : the majority of white men actually don’t like black women. like at all. they hate us. they hate our culture. they hate our people. they don’t like anything about our noses, lips, hair textures. they consider white women to be the standard of beauty. they believe that their women are the most prized in all the world lol, literally they think this. and that since they have the best women out there, why look any where else? the only women that even hold a candle to white women in the white man’s mind is the asian woman. yes, that truly it.

    black ladies, lets be realistic. do you have an ultra thin body? do you have silky long flowing hair? is your skin soft and pale? do you have delicate facial features? If not, then in a man’s mind you simply aren’t feminine. yes it sucks, yes I have no idea why nature is so retarded and human behavior patterns are even more retarded but that;s the way it is.

    please stay away from white men. they are only going to hurt you even worse. is just going to go from bad to ugly. I wish I could offer a solution but I can’t. white men are angry at white women for going with black men in the numbers that they did, so instead of insult black men, you know what they did? they hurled insults on black women for “being so ugly” because apparently if we hadn’t “been so ugly” black men wouldnt’ have gone for black women. so instead of dealign with their own insecurities they hurl their insults on black women. its trueee!!! if you want to know what they think, go to bodybulding dot com and search their forum talks about black women. that is a website where normal “everday” men go to voice their opinions about things…and often women. read for yourselves I’m not making anything up. there you’ll see how they really feel but they won’t say in public.

    that’s life. men are phyiscal creatures. they like what looks good and we just don’t look good to them. if you’re a pretty black girl, you are pretty to them in spite of being black. i know for a fact the only reason they think I’m pretty is because I have a thin nose, long oval face, almond eyes and nice sized lips. things that they dont put in a “black” category. and they always want to make me some other race besides black. they never want to believe it when i tell them.

    so advising black women to go for white men is the worst mockery of us. we should NEVER go to them. if they come to you FINE, no MAYBE but never go to them. ever. ever. ever. ever. ever. ever. ever. why should you go up to men anyways? There are always the ones trying to come up to women why go to them?

    don’t avoid white boys or anything i guess, and don’t return ignorance with ignorance either. but just
    don’t go out of your way like it seems that some are doing. and tread carefully before you date them. you have a lot more to risk than he does. and if a guy wants you, he’ll show you. I don’t get the point of chasing. even the most introverted guy will find a way to approach a girl that he wants. plus guys hate getting chased by women. even if they think the girl is hot if you chase them they lose attraction almost instantly.

    • jess/me / Feb 5 2012 6:47 am

      Thanks for providing some balance to the IR conversation. On most BW IR blogs u would be ridiculed and banned for what u just said, they NEVER twll the whole story abt this stuff!

    • kronic frenzy / Mar 28 2012 5:57 pm

      nothing but a woman scorned right here. get over “it” and keep it moving. I personaly love all the things you just said white men dont think is feminine about the black female.

    • VibeWitMe2 / Apr 14 2012 9:20 pm

      I TOTALLY agree with you input Let’s be Realistic. I have one chasing me now and I’m really leary as I’ve not dated a white guy before. I don’t like the games I’m seeing him play.

      • VibeWitMe2 / Apr 14 2012 9:24 pm

        * your input *

    • tonyrodg / Oct 5 2012 9:51 pm

      Bullshit. Check out Facebook Black women with other brother. Also the number of bw\wm mariages has hit 196000. Are all those BW crazy.

    • Joe / Jun 23 2013 12:12 pm

      That’s just bullshit. I’m a white man and I don’t see black women for their race, and I don’t think they’re ugly. I don’t resent their features or find them less feminine. To me, an attractive woman is an attractive woman, regardless of race. I don’t have an EXPRESSED preference. However, most of the women I tend to be attracted to do happen to be black. You have white culture all wrong. I grew up in a multicultural community but my family is white and to be honest they don’t really discuss black women, but I’ve never heard them say negative things like that. Things like this just infuriate me because black women are warned against white men like this and I’m just sitting here wondering why they’re skeptical of me. If men aren’t supposed to go after or avoid a mate because of their race then women shouldn’t either.

  10. Let's be Realistic / Jan 28 2012 10:44 am

    if you don’t believe me, think about this….where are the white guys at? they don’t read these blogs, they don’t make them and they don’t even respond to them. simple as that. because they just aren’t interested. i could understand being shy in real life but there’s no such thing as “shyness” online. but still they don’t post here. why? because they are not worried about black women. in their minds we are at the bottem of the food chain. we are mcdonalds. white women are prime rib. simple as that. avoid them. don’t pay them any attention and if they approach turn them down until they realize that we are NOT some lowly trash that they can just walk all over. then one day. maybe. we will be seen as equal.

    • Ruthlyn / Feb 3 2012 8:26 pm

      while men are less prone to express themselves the same ways women are…all you have to do is take a look in the IR groups to see that the black female to white male ratio is like 80:1. I’m also weary of not being able to trust chicks around my man, too. The shit gets old…

      • Let's be Realistic / Feb 5 2012 6:23 pm

        well these days, you can’t trust ANY woman around your man lol thats not as much of a color issue as it may seem. but i do agree with you about the 80:1. thats my biggest problem. these blogs make us look desperate and extra thirsty which is NOT the case at all in my real life. boys come to me–my biggest problems is actually taking white boys seriously. and unfortunately, the black guys that approach me are just laughable. i meet some nice ones, but we never are in the same classes, etc. so i never really build relationships with them.

        as a black woman, these blogs can be embarrassing because of the imbalance of interest on white male’s part. my advice to black women would be to get off the internet, hit the gym (too many of you have a weight problem) and get out there and actually experience what its like. to many black women assume just showing up and being black will be enough. not in today’s world. women of all races are competitive and they ALL want the best men. so black women need to learn to make themselves UNIVERSALLY valuable. a good man wants a good woman. simple as that. if you can become a good woman–you will find a good man. and I think THAT should be the focus of these blogs (not saying this particular blog is bad, trust me, i have seen worse)

        i think black people have aired their shit on the world stage for far too long so now we have to options: evolve or die. as black women all you need to do is everything in your power to make yourself a unversally respectable women. be thin/in shape, take care of your hair/hygeine ,be classy, be respectful and feminine. and i don’t see how you’d have a problem getting guys to want you.

    • jason davis / Jul 10 2012 3:30 pm

      Is that so whitey here checking in.

    • Lou / Sep 8 2012 8:16 pm

      *I absolutely agree again (this is what I’ve seen).*

      • Barry / Sep 9 2012 7:01 am

        some terrible generalizations ive read here… white men are porn loving and date black women as an experiment… im distancing myself with this blog… has it ever entered any of your minds that LOVE could be the reason …? or the search of Love… by the way…just because you are a black woman, does not mean you represent the whole black race or speak for all black women… get a life… im reding these pathetic comments with my colourd ladyfriend and yes … its good for a laugh…

    • ebonyandivory / Oct 6 2012 3:28 am

      I’m a white guy and I’m reading. I love black women because they’re much more sensual, I can talk to them without even saying words. When I was in 6th grade this black girl was a new girl in school and she had bigger boobs and a bigger ass than every chick in my class put together lol. From that day on the feeling I got when I saw her still has a hold on me. Also which is weird maybe because of my facial features but almost every black girl I’ve ever talked to has thought I was hot, and with white girls I don’t stick out as much from other good looking white guys. Anyway I’m the man and I treat women with respect and speak from the heart. When its bed time I aim to please in every way possible. I’m a freak and always have been and when I see a black chick I have the confidence of a thousand suns when I approach them. I love it and don’t see it stopping any time soon.

    • Neil / Aug 7 2013 3:50 am

      Hi there,I just read your comment and felt I had to reply,I am a white chap and We are not all as you describe ,for every physically attractive white lady I can show you am equally attractive black one,but the same could be said about an Unattractive lady,but the same applies to men .plus the fact you maybe the most attractive person on the outside but an ugly person within.personaly I am attracted to the personality and smile first,colour is irrelivent,I am not alone,we are out there,don’t be put off by narrow minded people ,black or white .
      Neil :0)

  11. WingedBeast / Jan 28 2012 6:22 pm

    In response to Let’s Be Realistic’s question to provide evidence of all white men being racists and hating black women, I’m white, I’m here, I’m reading and, when I think I have something even a quarter of the way interesting to say on a topic, I respond.

  12. Ruthlyn / Jan 29 2012 10:30 am

    I’m not completely anti-IR, but a lot of what “realistic” says is truth. I’ve probably dated/banged/had a fling with at least 15-20 white guys. I am EXTREMELY EXTREMELY experienced in IR and it’s the same bullshitmover and over. And although I married one, and got engaged to one, my relationships with black men have been more meaningful.Men are men…but a lot of the bs that comes with dating white men isn’t worth it- especially if it’s with a guy who doesn’t deserve you to begin with. Maybe THEY weren’t racist, but their friends were, their parents were, you got people looking at you crazy at the job, people questioning ypur blackness, making death threats online, his white friends making HIM question and/or feel guilty about HIS choices….For the WRONG guy, all that shit is not worth it. The guy doesn’t catch as much heat, but doesn’t get much support either.

    I’ve also noticed especially with my ex husband and ex fiance that when they’re around other men who find me attractive, they’ll be all over me. When they’re around their friends who only appreciate white women, they’re less touchy-feely. Seems like white guys generally are so much more self-conscious, regardless of how detrimental it is to the relationship.

    But one thing I have noticed is that white men (and yeah, the one’s i’m actually attracted to) disproportionately date black women who are rail thin, VERY darkskinned, and with natural hair of some kind. I’ve been pulling white men who don’t normally date black women and I KNOW it’s because i’m lightskinned and have mixed race features. It truly makes me cringe when they marvel at the fact that I don’t look like “other” black girls, my hair is long, nose is small….I hate it.

    It is so irritating too that the girl my ex fiance is dating now looks like a tranny version of me. Its like she’s the next best thing…its creepy. Some other guy who’s obsessed with me who was married….yeah spoke to his ex wife who said she thinks he married her because she looks and talks like me. Fuck all that, man.

    I’m dating a black guy now and I highly doubt i’ll go back. Hate to sound bitter, but this is America….plain and simple. I know not all guys are like this. I can speak for the blog writers and video-makers, but I stopped going goo-goo gaga for IR once I was living in the shit. Its not all its cracked up to be….I can make that promise. lol

    • Aisha / Jan 29 2012 7:07 pm

      Ruthlyn sorry to hear your engagement didn’t work out. He seemed like a much better guy for you-I saw some of your old Youtube videos.

      • Ruthlyn / Jan 31 2012 4:50 pm

        He was a much better guy in general, but came down here and lost his damn mind. Ultimately it was his age, lack of support on his end and peer pressure. He was a sweetheart…only have a handful of bad things to say about him (as opposed to the other one), but he just lost his way.

    • df / Jan 30 2012 12:31 am

      ruthylyn you’re beautiful but you do not have mixed race features imo..maybe where you live but where I live, there’s a large african american population and i see average-beautiful black women that have the same features you do…anyway, you do seem like you’ve been really hurt dating american white guys so I don’t blame you for bailing. I Although, I really, really do think it depends on where you live….so just wondering WHERE DO YOU LIVE?! WTF!!!

      oh and posting a link to a forum full of bean brained, ignorant meatheads who only hail the type of beauty approved by the media is sort of self defeating. I used to visit that site when I felt crap about myself in the past and trust me, they’ve had that same stupid rhetoric regarding black women for YEARS. You might as well have posted a link to a thread on stormfront about black women.

      • Ruthlyn / Jan 31 2012 4:53 pm

        Lol honey I’ve lived up and down the east coast. Dated white boys from New York, Philly, Jersey, Cali, midwest, down south…the list goes on and it doesn’t matter. No one can defend them for me. Stick a fork in me, I’m done. Been there, done that. I’m just done. Same shit. No thanks. Homeboy I’m dating now trumps Nate and Josh any day of the week.

      • Ruthlyn / Jan 31 2012 4:56 pm

        Oh yeah but also I only go for military guys and this one is active duty air force. And I don’t think I have mixed features, this is coming from the stupid guys who think all black women look the same. I get told I look “different”, but yeah where I’m from in Boston, my ass is a plain jane. Everybody looks like me. They’ve all got west indian parents.

      • df / Feb 1 2012 6:33 pm

        I’m really sorry to hear about your experiences ruthyln and I hope you eventually find the one person you spend the rest of your life with…Maybe it’s military guys, who knows..Also, I’ve noticed age plays a big difference. I don’t know, there are many black women who date interracially and date a lot of white men (including) and have great experiences (except if it doesn’t work out for whatever personal reason) that’s why I was just wondering.

        Anyway, my experience does not discredit yours, neither does yours discredit mine. I think like someone said it’s important not to paint such a ROSY picture of dating white men but painting such a bleak one is no better…

        I personally wish interracial dating would go past just black/white….those aren’t the only 2 races in existence…

      • Ruthlyn / Mar 20 2012 10:35 pm

        Oh yeah and if a girl is in the military 99.9% of the time, so is her man. Military girls usually go for military guys because that shared experience truly makes a difference. There are many advantages to marrying someone in the military and there are many sides to the military. Not everyone deploys and comes back with missing limbs and an inability to function in society. Interracially-speaking, the military is wayyyyyyy more tolerant of those relationships because the military is comprised of people from all over the country. I live in SC where there is an Air Force Base, Naval Weapons Station and National Guard Armory. And you can guarantee that if you see an interracial couple (who does not consist of a morbidly obese white woman with cornrows and a slim black man donning a white tee and busted sneakers) , you can pretty much guarantee they are a military couple.

    • jess/me / Feb 5 2012 6:53 am

      Thanks for giving us another perspective of IR. There is always 2 sides to a story and most IR blogs want to hide that fact ,And pretend everytthing is so grand.

      • Ruthlyn / Mar 20 2012 10:38 pm

        Yeah and the pretending needs to stop. And why the hell do “we” get so stoked when they like our natural hair??? So the hell what?! “Ooo he likes me in my natural state of blackness” Not understanding the big freakin deal.

    • Keys / Mar 8 2012 11:31 pm

      @Ruthlyn, are you saying that white men rejects you for darker and slim black women? And you feel that you don’t measure up to those women because you’re light-skinned with “mixed features?”.

      • um_ok / Mar 25 2012 10:15 am

        Not trying to answer for her but I dont think thats what she was trying to say. It isnt all white men that prefer darker black women, its mainly the ones that already have a black preferance which is a pretty small number in comparison to the entire white male population. Those ones are the easiest to get because there is less competition from all races of women.Those guys know they are looking for a black woman and for them thats mainly based on skin tone even more than features so the darker the better and many darker women want to hook up with them too so thats why we have seen more of those types of bw/wm couples. Lighter or just not dark black women will mainly attract ones that just like pretty women of any race or ones that may not have dated black before but the problem with alot of those men is how ignorant they are about blackness and race and thats why they make comments to her like your not like other black girls. The ones that usually black are more educated on race but they tend to have that specific type of black woman they date, they are more fetish driven when it comes to skin and contrast so it still ends up being about being black. The ideal white man to me is one that is racially aware/educated on race yet isnt a fetishist.

    • tonyrodg / Oct 5 2012 9:55 pm

      @um_ok You sound like a BM.

    • JRaz / Oct 23 2012 5:27 pm

      Well Ruthlyn’s new guy has 2 kids so you know she got some baby momma drama. I’m pretty sure none of her other white bf’s/husbands/fiances had that problem…So therefore if she marries the new black guy with kids(plural) she’ll be just another baby momma eventually. Nothing’s ever perfect I guess.

  13. Ruthlyn / Jan 29 2012 10:40 am

    the responses speak for themselves…pages and pages of how white AND black men truly feel about us.

  14. Aisha / Jan 29 2012 7:15 pm

    If a white guy told me he only dated black women, I would ask the reasons why and base my opinion on his answers. If he listed a bunch of stereotypes, that would be a major turnoff.

    As for how white men feel about black women, I don’t think the majority view us as partners, but I don’t really feel like they hate us either. I just think we’re not on their radar. Regarding that body builder website, I feel like white men who like black women tend to be more silent, while the ones who don’t are very vocal and disrespectful. Black women are the same way with white men. Also, I’ve seen that site before and it seems somewhat misogynistic to me.

    • df / Jan 30 2012 12:42 am

      yeah i agree black women aren’t on many white guys’ radars…they might find a black women here and there attractive just like they find white women here and there attractive but it probably doesn’t cross their mind to enter in a relationship with black women which is weird in a vacuum but in our society it’s not surprising.

      I think if most white guys had a positive, enriching relationship with at least one (attractive) black women in their lives, i think things would be different but it just is not the norm if you think about it. Both sides are apprehensive and have stereotypes set regarding one another… I’ve noticed in general that it’s fairly uncommon to see black women and white women being social, friendly and just interacting socially (not just professionally)….if people see a masculine white guy and a black woman together or enjoying each other’s company, they react oddly even if they are just friends. It’s happened to me and i’ve seen it happen to others.

    • tonyrodg / Oct 5 2012 9:59 pm

      @aisha Can you explai that to the 196,000 BW married to other brothers. Go to Facebook Black women with other brothers, or Black women deserve better.

  15. Let's be Realistic / Jan 30 2012 5:17 pm

    yes. i have to agree with Ruthlyn. white men do seem to be very very self conscious. very concerned about pleasing others and not just in the general common sense (don’t act ignorant in public) kind of way. many of them wouldn’t make a single move that wasn’t openly accepted by the majority of their friends. family, associates.

    and its funny, you’d think the “alpha” male. the “top dog” of society wouldn’t give a crap about what anyone else thinks? but its the opposite, they are THE MOST concerned about what other people think. i was at a playhouse, i had to see a production for a lecture and I spotted an IR couple walking into the theatre. The guy was white and short (which doesn’t help a man’s self esteem either) and he was being SO PATHETIC…he was twitching and fidgeting….looking over his shoulder….obviously self concsious about being with her. it was so pathetic and unmasculine i almost cried for the woman trying to hold his hand. like, if you’re embarrassed why invite her on a date you fool! LOL so, I know that I’m coming off as against white men, I’m not at all. I just feel deeply for my fellow black women–women who’ve had similar experiences as obstacles as I and I’m not going to be silent and let them be led into another SCAM.

    and ruthlyn, i don’t think you’re bitter. i think you learned from a bad experience. nothing bitter about that. you help spread the word so other girls won’t “drink the kool-aid”

    • tonyrodg / Oct 5 2012 10:02 pm

      @ lets be realistic I have seen black men with white women do the same thing. Tell me something diferrant LOL

  16. Let's be Realistic / Jan 30 2012 5:30 pm

    The main thing that bothers me. Is that black women have to write all these blogs, make all these videos, show all of this interest and IF one white guy happens to like black women he’s got a HUGE FAN CLUB lol he’s got chicks that will move across the country in a hot second to get a peice of him lol. but if a black girl likes white guys she has to scheme and put way more effort and thought into the situation than with a normal guy. smh. thats my biggest problem. i just want to be treated in the way that a thoughtful, pretty girl should be. how is that too much to ask? white boys treat me like a space alien–like there’s “special” rules to approach me. black guys treat me like i’m “booujie” because i’m not bent over a table clapping my cheeks for him before he even asks my name, my interests, etc. lol

    it is an ugly world. i think where black girls get confused is when white boys will flirt, text, joke or whatever and then when the girl wants an actual relationship….poof! casper disappears LOL. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve seen this happen and black girls get crushed. because at the end of the day, even if a white guy does like a black girl—its not worth all the stress of dealing with his family and friends about it. plus white guys are very into the idea of “status” they don’t want to lose status. so if marrying a blonde woman who’s going to gain 300 lbs after they get married is more acceptable. that’s what he’ll do. 9/10 of the time.

    white men (along with most men) are out for personal gain. if you want to get with a white guy, you have to remind yourself “what does he have to gain from this?” if you can’t answer that positively, he won’t keep you around. so for things like hook ups/ random sex white guys are probably just as willing as any other type of guy. but marriage/relationships is an entirely different ball park.

    meanwhile, in Africa…….

    • Ruthlyn / Feb 1 2012 12:26 pm

      Oh damn….preach! Yes the worthwhile white men (goal-oriented, going places…) DEFINITELY care about status, appearances, upward/forward mobility, personal gain and getting the most out of every experience. The ones that ain’t about nothin….I wouldn’t even bother with them. But if you get in the way of their ability to move through social circles with ease…you can kiss your IR dream goodbye. And don’t expect them to defend you from the comments and snares from their family…that’s not happening. Ever.

      There was ONE guy I dated who dated black/latina girls his whole life. His mom couldn’t STAND THAT. Just to piss her off, when i’d call he’d answer the phone all loud : HELLO MY EBONY GODDESS! (And variations of such, like “my beautiful black ebony queen goddess of the universe” lol) It was cute because he was the first (and only white guy) to stand up to his family for me. But…he ended up marrying a white girl, and a large part of it was that he felt a sense of guilt because his mom had died of cancer, his whole life he despised her and spoke ill of her but in the end he wanted her to be proud of him.

      At any rate…like I said…I’ve been around the block more than I’m proud of admitting with this “IR world” and no matter where you go, what you do or who you do it with…guys are pretty much the same. If there’s more to lose than to gain from being with you, it won’t last! Regardless of how “cute” you look together.

    • tonyrodg / Oct 5 2012 10:08 pm

      @Ruthlyn You must be a DBR or NBABM or a GAT_dl. Got to get off this blog b/c there is on so much isht I can read.

  17. Aisha / Jan 30 2012 11:11 pm

    So my question is, how can we suss out early on which white guys are strong enough to be in an IR, and which ones aren’t. Are there any clues to watch for, apart from him looking over his shoulder? Lol.

    • Ruthlyn / Jan 31 2012 4:58 pm

      Constantly looking around instead of looking at you…avoiding PDA (hand holding, holding in general…), checking out OTHER black people, a lack in confidence based on body language…

  18. Let's be Realistic / Jan 31 2012 8:28 am

    i would say if he’s treating you like a NORMAL girl. doing NORMAL things with you, allowing the relationhsip to progress NORMALLY. idk but if you can tell he’s acting strange or always nervous then that’s a bad sign. especially if he’s fidgety around his friends with you. a real man should be proud/excited to introduce you to his friends/famly. so you should look for that as well.

    • df / Feb 1 2012 6:35 pm


  19. DK / Feb 1 2012 8:52 pm

    At the end of the day, people are people. Men are men and women are women. Some are sweet and some are poison.

    The most important thing for anyone to remember is that the integrity of someone’s soul is much more important than the color of their skin.

    • Let's be Realistic / Feb 2 2012 11:55 am

      lol tell that to the rest of society ūüôā we are human beings. we can only relate through our outer senses. the major judgements are made before “hello” that’s just the way it is. no problem in admitting it.

    • Ruthlyn Oliver / Feb 3 2012 8:20 pm

      DAN KELLNER. You suck at masking who you are too. STOP GOOGLING ME.

      • Let's be Realistic / Feb 3 2012 10:36 pm

        holy shit Ruthlyn. how many stalkers do you have????

        might as well give us the story on this one too….just for reference ūüôā

  20. rolanddo / Feb 11 2012 3:16 pm

    i think it all depends on personal preference,i mean everything goes black n spanish but i prefer a black woman,a sister any day over a white chic..i appreciciate a woman who is not completely sold out to this concept of what beauty is supposed ta b..or white dudes are ‘more understanding jus bcause theyre white ..i live in atlana,this is probably tha las great place to see and meet tha most jaw droppingly beautiful black women in tha stinkin world…som who havent melted in tha m

  21. um_ok / Mar 17 2012 1:25 am

    The white guys Ive met that have dated black women before (especially the ones that only date black women) Ive never been attracted to so Ive never considered them. I dont tend to be their type either because the ones that only date black women usually have a strong preferance for the very dark type only so I mainly attract ones that just like women in general. Works better for me though because I know they like me for me not just because im black. I like to be in a relationship where my race doesnt mean anything to him good or bad. I just want to be seen as any other woman. Not into the fetish skin contrast creeps.

  22. Ruthlyn / Mar 20 2012 10:20 pm

    I just wish that more women would look at both sides of the coin. Men are men and interracial relationships have their unique issues on top of all the other bullshit that relationships come from. I am not trying to deter anyone from dating outside their race, just a caveat to be careful. The Internet portrayal of bw/wm relationships is rose-colored, one-sided and unrealistic. Most of the blogs are written by black women who have dated only a handful of men and were lucky enough to get it right. But I think its safe to say that the demographic who read these blogs are even less experienced in the dating world and are seeking guidance as to going about finding Mr. White Right. I know truckloads of black women like me who have been humiliated, cheated on and abused by white men (mostly their own husbands) and are too ashamed to speak up about it. Those stories need to be told, too.

    • admin / Mar 22 2012 2:27 pm

      Hey Ruthlyn! Tis true those stories need to be told too. It’s all about balance. Feel free to submit a guest post telling that side of the story and I’ll post it.

      • Ruthlyn / Mar 29 2012 6:58 am

        I wouldn’t be able to write something like that without 1. Putting even more of my business out there that isn’t already out there 2. Putting ex’s on blast, hence giving them the justification to call me a “bitter black woman”. Im actually very happy right now and that very well may perpetuate the bad blood. I may be able to come up with some warning signs and general red flags without naming names or using real-life scenarios…i’ll get back to you on that….

      • JRaz / Oct 23 2012 5:28 pm

        I don’t know why she doesn’t. I’d like to hear it.

  23. um_ok / Mar 25 2012 10:02 am

    Ruthlyn, You are right. Even some of these same black women on blogs that act like white men are God sent I have talked to online and a few of those women opened up to me and told me some wild stories of being dogged out by white men. My experiences with white men have been no better or worse than my experiences with black men. Men are men and not trying to offend anyone but alot of these success stories that I read about online or see in the youtube videos, the white men are not too attractive and often nerdy so it isnt a stretch to think that white men like that would just be happy to find a woman to love. I want to see more success stories of very attractive sought after white men with black women and many of those men have huge egos just like sought after black men.

  24. Ruthlyn / Mar 29 2012 3:15 pm

    ¬†Thanks for “speaking for me”. That’s exactly my point, the men who just love beautiful women who aren’t particularly educated on race and may be “sheltered” from the versatility of shades and hair textures of black america and are more subject to say things like “what are you? you don’t look like other black girls” lol bless their little hearts. They’re complimenting you in the most politically correct way they know how and are saying that they think you’re pretty because you’re not “as black” as they¬†perceive¬†“black” to be. The sad part is that these are the guys who are “my type” in terms of what I find attractive in white men- clean cut, going places, and adventurous. Sadly these poor souls won’t get a chance with me telling me that I don’t look like other black girls. lol It makes you wonder just how many they’ve seen. This one guy who I always thought was adorable during my Air Force tech school complimented me on my hair, I had just flat-ironed it and he liked it because he’s never seen a black girl with such straight hair. lol Poor soul really thought he was complimenting me and his attractiveness went down about 50 notches. In formation some guy just looks up at me and goes “um…what are you? I mean….what races are you? ’cause like….you look kinda like…you might be something other than black”. LOL It’s so¬†trifling¬†and they don’t even realize it.

    They are the polar opposite of the white men who think they are experts on black culture because they have a preference for black women and have taken it upon themselves to become literate in- again what they¬†PERCEIVE¬†black culture to be. And rarely are they just plain normal guys…they have to be these CHARACTERS. They’re either wiggas,¬†unattractive¬†and extremely wimpy super-nerds, beefed up testosterone junkies or vegan hippie motherfuckers. lol ¬†I’m not impressed with the youtube boyfriends/husbands either, which is probably why my ex was such a big hit because the guy (at the time) was easy on the eyes and his love for me (at the time) was obvious. But something else i’ve experienced with men who only prefer black women is that they are NOT ABLE TO COMMIT. If they like black women…they like ALLLLLLLLL black women. FOUR of the guys I dated (one of which I married) who ONLY loved black women, had the “interracial white boy loving circuit” on their friend’s list on facebook, had wandering eyes like CRAZY!! Had to stare at EVERY black women who walks by whether we’re on a date or not…It’s equally as trifiling as the inexperienced ones with their quasi-racist compliments. They love the attention they get from black women because they know that we as a whole suffer from low self esteem and get STOKED at the opportunity to either date or deny a white boy. Each of them know how to manipulate black women as a whole.¬†

    So ultimately it’s better to date men who love women- regardless of what they look like. They make better husbands and are less likely to cheat.¬†

    • Joseph Hutch / Apr 11 2012 12:34 pm

      I use to only date white women like most white men and honestly any white woman would do for me. When I started dating black women (and for the record Ruthlyn you look like an average black girl to me, you don’t looked mixed in the slighest-and your not light skinned so I think you were giving yourself alittle too much credit there) I would look at black women whom had a wow factor, (beauty, brains, not hair style though); they stood out to me BECAUSE they seemed like the type of women who were NOT GHETTO, just like most black women love to look at me cause I look like the type of guy who is clean cut and not a dirty, white guy (Ppl have told me I look like Channing Tatum). I love black women who look beautiful period

      • Joseph Hutch / Apr 11 2012 2:51 pm

        For the record, you should not be skeptical of white men who only date black women, you should be flattered that he has seen what bw have to offer and only exclusively want that type, even if it’s physically at first. I need to be attracted to someone physically before I try to establish an emotional connection. If I prefer black women, its not a bad thing or something you should be on high alert for. I bet bw who prefer to date inside their race don’t get as much scrutiny as men who prefer to date outside their race. I know one friend who dated a black girl in college and he stayed with her for five yrs, after her he chooses to only date black women because physically, thats what he thinks is beautiful, darker skin, full lips and nice bodies but he’d be damned if she was an air head, no personality and ugly. We all have standards to our preferences.

      • Ruthlyn / Apr 14 2012 10:35 am

        Lol so you insult my looks and flatter your own. You sound like a real winner…yes black women, go after this guy, he’s a champ!

      • Pamprin / Aug 20 2012 12:38 pm

        She should’t give herself credit? As if being light skinned is a privilege? Are you kidding? Don’t think that that’s what all Black people dream of. I’m light brown complected and I love the summer because my skin looks sun kissed and darker.

        Another note, not all Black women are “ghetto”. I grew up in a very nice area in a very large city and I never understood why people would say that Black women are “ghetto”. I’ve been to Michigan and BOY I’ve seen the trashiest of trash white people there. Girls that are pregnant at the age of 14 walking around all proud. Yes, I do agree that there are some Black women that are a bit out there (those of which I refuse to associate myself with) but not all of us are like that.

  25. Joseph H / Apr 15 2012 1:04 am

    What did I say to insult your looks? that you looked like a regular black women that’s not light skinned and had no mixed features. That’s not insulting.

    • Rhonda / Apr 15 2012 4:21 pm

      you told her she was “giving herself too much credit’ for calling herself light skinned. So explain Mr. Hutch, do you think being light skinned = good credit? LOL.

      If you are even a white male, although you sound more like a bitter black male, you definitely sound like the type that Ruthlyn warned us against. The fact that you would even try to stifle her self appraisal on the basis of her skin tone means that you’ve probably been around a lot of BW and think that things like skin tone matter to them. Here’s a head’s up, the decent BW who date interacially could care less about how light their skin is or isn’t or how curly their hair is or isn’t. Ya dun goofed. I think you are one of her ex boyfriends trolling. Your comments have the tone of trying to cut her down and anyone can attach a photo to their icon and create a fake name like Mr. Hutch.

      …..Mr. Detwiler? Is that you again?

  26. Joseph Hutch / Apr 15 2012 6:44 pm

    No I think light skinned = Gina from Martin or Vanessa Williams, not Ruthlyn from YouTube. I actually would be pretty embarassed to be one of her exes. I signed onto this blog via my Facebook so I don’t know why you’d even say that but If your skeptical just search me on Facebook and add me as a friend. I’m always taking applications ūüėČ Anywho I really don’t want to talk about Ruthlyn anymore I’d rather talk about black women and why they want a white man instead of just a plain old GOOD man period.

    • Giveitarest / Apr 15 2012 6:51 pm

      Some of us want a GOOD WHITE man because we are really attracted to them. It doesn’t mean we aren’t attracted to other men, but that’s not what this site is about. Get over it!

      • Joseph Hutch / Apr 16 2012 10:36 am

        The chances of finding a GOOD white man are slim, just as any other race. Black women will experience the same hardships as anyother relationship. If you like the white skin just say so, don’t equate certain characteristics, personalities,assets and upbringing with all white men. Everyone is different. This blog resents white men for categorizing black women into a stereotype but black women stereotype white men the same way.

      • Romans 12-21 / Apr 23 2012 11:42 pm

        Nothing wrong with wanting a good white man or a good man in general. Sadly, there are too many men who don’t have their shit together.

    • Ruthlyn / Apr 17 2012 2:32 pm

      Who the hell cares what’s considered light skinned, that was wayyyy off my point. Please read the massive paragraph I wrote as to how that came about. And I’d be embarrassed to be one of my ex’s too…well the two public ones but most of them I am pretty cool with still. And thanks Rhonda, I noticed that too…giving myself credit because I say I’m light skinned? Sounds like light skin scores points with you. And Joseph Hutch I believe is someone who added messaged me on Facebook saying they liked my YouTube videos. He had what seemed to be a fake ass photo of an attractive guy. Damn i wish i hadnt deleted that message. Perhaps he’a a fan who is disappointed that he has no chance, considering he gave me the title of “Ruthlyn from YouTube”. But no he’s not Mr. D cause that mofo can’t spell or properly punctuate to save his life.

    • Lou / Sep 8 2012 9:02 pm

      Joseph Hutch – unfortunately some BW are equating WM with ‘good man.’ Why some of us who have had the pleasure (sarcasm) are trying to shed light. They are different. There are still problems, different ones and in fact a decent man of color (who doesn’t think he’s God’s gift to the universe b/c the universe is still head tied) can be BETTER! Also, what is this ‘regular,’ BG thing? So now, there is one type that is BG? Wow. The unexposed BGs must be flocking to you, you don’t sound like a BF positive type of male at all, just another one gettin’ massive amounts of attn.

  27. Lee / Apr 28 2012 10:24 pm

    Interesting stuff, just found this site. Got tired of online sites that really didnt cater to a persons true preferrences. Any how as a white male, i don’t think i would trust a bw who dated only wm any less than one who dated a vatiety races.

  28. chantz / May 16 2012 3:04 am

    How is this different from a dark haired WM that predominately dates a blonde WW. I think people will say anything to discredit a relationship between BW and WM. People aren’t this hard and closedwhen it regards a black man dating or marrying a white woma, so why all the hostility. It is most displeasing knowing that we have come thus far technology in minutes

  29. shiphrah Alison / Jun 8 2012 11:10 am

    what i love about white men they are never afraid to express their love even in public of which this is cool to me so thats why i prefer the white race.

    • danika / Jul 25 2012 7:20 pm

      Urr Sooo Sooo Sooooo Trueee. And white Guyz Love To express there feeling for u in Public and Plus there Soo Hot

  30. danika / Jul 13 2012 2:19 pm

    Haha Okai Let Meh Tell U Something Funney Okai Hi Im Danika And Im Black And Im Detailed and A Fun Person K Anywaysz Yawll I was Sitting in the BackOf. My Stupid Math Class Upsettttt Soo Upset Becouse i didnt wanna Be In Math class no Live Action Then All Of A Sudden God Sent An Angel To my Math Class And It Was A Toll Sexyyy Blue Eyed Hot White Boy and When He came in my Class My heart Started Racinggg And Omg I started Smiling Cuz He Was Soo Cutee ther would Be no reson to not smile then wen he got his Math Paper and Sat Down I felt Like Sneezing Then i was Telling Myself No Danika Noo Dont Do It and Gess wat Fucking Happend I sneezed and he looked Back At me and are eyes Glue To Eatchither and he looked at me and said Bless U and. I smiled but wen that sexy Angel said Bless u to Me in My Mind I was likee Ohh Noo Blesssss U For Dat Good Looken smile body ur everything then i coudnt work no more so i just put down my Brok pencil and Staired at him non stop then he looked back at me and said Hey wats ur name im Like ou me hi my Names danika he said Wat a Buetifule name u have then im like wats ur he said Kurtis der Glory to Goddd Hiz voice was like angels talking to me and then. He told me to not be shy and sit ner him U No wat i Did i Pretended to Be Bad In Math Class Just to at Least smell touch like at least a swipe of his close touching my arm made me Flippp Then wen i was like brb i went to get an eraser then he got up and went to the door to sharpen his Pencil then thattttzzz Whennnn He seen My Twin sister he coudnt belive it then he started spazzing then he likeee he never met such beutifule twin in his life then i ask him out and dated himm ahah i fucking love himmm

    • Darren / Jun 9 2013 6:38 am

      Ummm??? Not sure what to say about this one.

  31. Bemused White Man / Jul 14 2012 7:28 am

    My black girlfriend wants me to see her both a black woman and just a woman depending on her mood. I learnt that as a white person there is nothing i can do that will please most black folks. Whitey is always wrong.

    • Let's be Realistic / Jul 18 2012 8:22 pm

      I’m really annoyed at white people who hook up with that type of black person and then complain about it. If she’s trying to blame you for being white just dump her. Plenty of black women out there who won’t do that.

  32. johny boy / Jul 27 2012 8:47 am

    well…. I’m a white guy. I’ve only dated black women since I was a teenager. I’m almost 30 now. My daughter is half black. perhaps I’m a “fetishist”. I’ve always thought that the most beautiful women were black…….. Stone me……… but seriously, recently I’ve been really attracted to some white girls.

  33. Barry / Aug 10 2012 3:07 pm

    this blog is ridiculous… im a white guy and i enjoy dating black and colourd women because i find them to be more loyal… why should i be judged for my choice of partner…? in any case whether many people distrust my “reasons” for dating black women…and my reason is LOVE… it really doesnt matter… there are plenty of black girls to go around… so frankly i dnt give a damn about your opioion…but here is some advice for you sceptics… you are just as equal to white, latin or asian girls in every sense… so dont live in their shadows…

    • Linda / Oct 18 2012 1:26 pm

      Barry, thank you for this post. It took me many years to realize what you indicated in the last sentenced. It moved me to tears. I date Ir because my first true crush was my fifth grade teacher’s white son that i went to the school with for the next eight years. We were very close and i was socialized in a multi-racial norm. I worked for many years in corporate America and i am more comfortable with white males. I also have had an extremely destructive relationship pattern with black males and i prefer contrast sex. That doesn’t make me a sellout– just who i am.

  34. ss / Aug 20 2012 5:08 pm

    I don’t understand why it is normal to have a same race preference in a mate while a preference for a mate of a different race is frowned upon. I am a black woman with a preference for white men. I am not ashamed or brow beaten about my preference. Men of other races are attractive but I want what I want. If you want to read a good article on preference then you should check out the website interracial intersection for black women.

  35. M / Sep 12 2012 12:13 pm

    Some of these comments, in my opinion, offer cautionary tales to anyone who’d approach a man/woman across the color line. It just goes to show that attraction is what it is…even people with severe racial hangups on either side sometimes can’t help but be attracted to what they fear, or what makes them question their racial loyalties. How one deals with attraction across a culture or color “barrier” (in quotes because it isn’t naturally there, but it is a socially constructed reality) is the issue. How any particular White guy/man or Black girl/woman deals with their attraction matters more than why it exists in the first place. Why question a natural biological reaction and turn it into something ugly?

    I think it is quite INSANE to want a man to be attracted to a woman with specific attributes, but call it a “fetish” if he develops a general preference for those attributes based upon his experience with her. I’ve dated a few White men. I’ve encountered some who are in that first flush of discovery of a type of woman they hadn’t considered, or weren’t around, or had been scared to approach, but finally did for whatever reason. I thought it was a beautiful thing. People, this is what is supposed to happen when you figure out that you like something you didn’t know you liked before you tried it! Having said that, I completely understand the wariness that some Black women have about the intent of White men who are exploring a new avenue for love (or maybe just sex). It SHOULD be the same wariness with which these women view ANY man, because men are men in this regard. They like sex, and they will pursue it relentlessly with women they are attracted to. That’s like saying the sun rises in the east and sets in the west….next!

    My man didn’t date Black women until he left his small Western town to see the world. Where he grew up most everyone is Nordic looking, or Native American, so it was not really an option for him for many years. I don’t know how many Black women he’s been with (or White, Asian, Latin women for that matter), but I’m sure he has been with enough women to know what he likes. What mattered to me is that he saw ME, as a multifaceted individual, not just a sex object, a buddy, or someone to pass the time with. Since he sees ME and appreciates ME for who I am, I assume that what got his attention are physical attributes I have that he already appreciated, either generally because he has a type and I fit into it, or specifically because he liked how I was put together. I would hope that, if we don’t work out, he’d now be on the lookout for a woman like me (however he’d define it) based on having such a great experience.

    As for me, I would have chosen him hands down physically, but I have never dated a guy with his background and profession, so wasn’t checking for his type at all. I didn’t know he was perfect for me until I got to know him. What I now know is that there is another “type” of guy out there that I might be compatible with, despite superficial differences that seemed to matter more than they really do. So now, I’d find myself drawn to guys like him, and I’d see possibilities where I didn’t before. Does that mean I have a fetish?

    Ladies, if I can offer unsolicited advice to anyone who is worried about the fetish thing: Seek a quality man first and foremost. Don’t date a guy just because he’s White (or Black, or whatever). Figure out what you want, what you like, and then date guys with those qualities. You’ll find that you simply aren’t attracting (or attracted to!) men who only want to be with you because you are a Black woman.

  36. john / Dec 6 2012 4:06 pm

    i love black women and they love me and a black woman is not the bottom of the food chain to me sad thing is the double standards in dating im happily married to a black woman that i love so much

  37. fdm+ / Feb 19 2013 7:59 pm

    Wading into this sensitive debate a little late but…


    There, I said it. Just wanted to state my position. I don’t know why but I genuinely find black women more attractive. I’ve spent a long time beating myself up trying to work out why. Believe me, I get a hard time about it. But I just don’t really find white women that attractive, most of the time. That’s honestly all there is to it.

    Like I said, I really can’t explain it and it’s something that’s only happened as I came out of my white suburban environment and started to mix with more people of all cultures and backgrounds. Obviously, I don’t find every black woman attractive. And I would only choose someone as a partner if our personality fit. But yeah, it’s out there, I wish I knew why but I can assure you that there’s no deep and hidden motive other than just finding them more attractive. Given the choice – which, let’s face it, I often have – I tend to approach bw and if it works out, go on and date them.

    The alternative, as far as I can see, is to lie to myself and a ww. But that can’t be right surely?

    Anyway, it’s hard when people say things like fetish or whatever. It is what it is. There’s no agenda from my end although I admit that isn’t always the case with some. It’s just what I like. I can’t really apologize for it. Don’t want to anyway, I’d be interested to know if some people think I should get help or something. Just because I prefer black women? Is that really what you’re saying? I’d be interested to know anyone’s thoughts.

    Posts like this are good though because no-one really talks about it. Anyway…

  38. Andrew / Apr 19 2013 10:57 pm

    I think it shouldn’t matter. Some guys like heavy women only. Does that mean heavy women shouldn’t trust any men? It’s just a preference. It’s just what draws us white men to black women. Ultimately you should like the person for the person not their looks anyway. This will be obvious as you get to know the person. Another thing wrong with this question “should black women trust white guys who only date black women” is it depends on the guy too. Some you can trust, some you can’t. You can not direct this to ALL white men. You have to look at it like this. It’s always something that draws a man to a woman. Whether it be size, looks, skin color, height. It’s just a preference. It’s just what gets us looking at that individual more. I am white and prefer dark women but I’m not attracted to all dark women. Just some.

  39. Darren / Jun 8 2013 5:18 pm

    I don’t think so. As long as he likes you for you and not just cause your black.

  40. Alfred / Jun 29 2013 8:13 am

    Every desire for a particular feature is a fetish. Skin, eyes,lips….it’s called primary attraction.

  41. Scott / Jun 30 2013 5:56 am

    I almost always date black women, not a fetish, just a preference. I honestly feel that ack women are stronger and more sensual and this comes from personal experience. I’ve dated different women and always find myself ending up with a black woman. I have been told that I’m not the typical “whiteboy”, whatever that means. I’m happiest when dating a beautiful black woman, its just what feels natural to me. Interracial dating is beautiful to me and shows how much we are evolving as people. Don’t be weary of a white man that prefers black woman as all people have their preference.

  42. Don / Jul 12 2013 8:35 pm

    Now that the truth is out, that white guy/ black woman couples have only half the divorce rate of white guy/white woman marriages, can anyone really accuse either of them of being insincere?

  43. max / Dec 17 2013 9:17 am

    I don’t like fat girls either. Or white girls. There’s lots of reasons that ppl like what they like. everyone’s got their set of characteristics that they like. I don’t even look at white girls cuz they’re just not my type. They age like lettuce. Their faces are all crooked. They get all spotty and saggy while they’re still young. Why would I want that? Why is it noble to ignore the attractiveness of someone and only care about what is “inside” or who someone is as a person. That’s not how ppl are wired. No matter how much the p.c. wusses don’t like it, It’s human nature.. Sure the other things are important too. But White girls are not for me. It started in first grade with me and it aint changing.

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