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November 25, 2011 / admin

Do Black Women Act Differently when they Date White Men?

I’ve heard of the assertion that Black Women act differently (turn soft and pink) when they date White Men as opposed to when they date Black Men. Maybe you have too?

Supposedly Black Women lose the attitude, become ultra feminine, extra sweet and extra accommodating once they are paired up with White guys.

I began to wonder if there is indeed any truth to this widely spouted idea and then I came across an article titled The Masculine Man and the Feminine Woman and everything clicked.

Excerpt from (The emphasis is mine)

“Also keep in mind that different people can draw out different energies in you. A friend, partner or family member may draw out more of the masculine or feminine aspects in you. For instance a woman that is more naturally feminine may be the more masculine partner in a relationship, if her masculine is stronger than his. Therefore, if she believes she can’t trust her partner to be the man and to make the right decisions, then she will do the decision making and the leading. She will be the masculine energy in that relationship even though her base nature is strongly feminine. The catch is that despite all her leading and decision making she will feel empty and unfulfilled at the end of the day because she isn’t able to express and explore her true essence.

What she truly needs a man with a strong masculine base. A man that is naturally leads, asserts, and is stronger. When she is with a man like this she can relax that masculine energy in her and she can fully explore her femininity. Where she was hard, crass, and determined in her other relationship; she can now be open, fun, receptive, and loving. This happens because she is a with a man that compliments her base nature. This is how a woman can seem so different based on the man that she is dating. You guys have a tremendous impact on how a woman feels and acts. Always remember that.”

Ladies, please go and read the full article – it will enligthen you and hopefully help you in your mate selections.

So perhaps Black women act differently when they date White men because White men allow them to operate in their core base (feminine energy) by virtue of operating in their core base (masculine energy). Of course, I could be all wrong – but then again, I could be right!



Leave a Comment
  1. What... / Dec 27 2011 8:22 pm

    That really opened my eyes…

  2. aarika / Jan 2 2012 1:16 am

    I felt like I could be myself with my now husband than I could with a black/ latino man, I guess I always felt like I wasn’t good enough because the other guys had an image or expectation of the girl they wanted and I would try to fit it by dressing a certain way or doing my hair a certain way, but when I met my husband I felt so close and comfortable with him really early in our dating- he was the first and only guy I would let see me without makeup and fake hair and the first time he saw me natural he begged me not to change. BTW he is white and the first guy I ever been with who LOVES my natural hair!!!

    • Tragic Arrangements / Mar 13 2012 12:24 am

      My boyfriend is a black male and he does NOT like fake hair, wigs or weaves… if my hair is standing on top of my head like I just got shocked, he thinks it is beautiful. He has never put pressure on me to alter or mutilate my hair to go along with a standard that Europeans call beautiful. He enjoys running his fingers through my naturally kinky/ coily hair.

      I had never met a man black or belonging to the White “Race” who celebrated me as much for naturally being who I am.. so don’t think that you will only get that “appreciation” from a White male. There are black males and females who recognize that the propaganda that says we should alter and mutilate our hair/bodies so that they look like Europeans is GARBAGE. And we reject it.

      I find that if YOU accept your self as you are and YOU find yourself to be BEAUTIFUL as you were created, natural, curly, squiggly, nappy, AFRICAN textured hair, richly colored skin and all, you WILL attract like minded people…and repel those who need the FALSE image. I hope that many black females will begin to embrace our NATURAL selves in the MARVELOUS and PERFECT ORIGINAL manner that the Creator intentionally fashioned us, FOR OURSELVES, without needing male validation for it.

    • Olabintan / Sep 22 2012 9:20 am

      You are a lucky woman. He loves you just the way you are – thats true love. You are surely the bone of his bone. God bless your marriage.

  3. Dee Dee Russell / Jan 6 2012 11:19 pm

    Look. For the most part WM run ish…most were raised with their FATHERS and they were socialized in a manly fashion…whereas the same percentage of BM were raised by their MOTHERS so of COURSE a BW is going to be more relaxed around a more ‘manly’ man!! And furthermore, most, not all, BM aren’t monogamous!

    Listen…chose character not color. The black men I’ve dated behave like the white men I’ve dated cause I VET them!

    I have laughed in the face of some BM who think I’m a low self esteem dumb bank/whore.

    There, I said it…too many BM try to play a sista for some coins, want us to buy them stuff JUST LIKE THEIR MOMMA USED TO…so for me, a man socialized by his FATHER is the better choice (for me-more power to YOU). Like, really, BM? You expect me to buy you drinks and give you my art for free? The white boys never ask for shit like that!!

    • Ruthlyn Oliver / Mar 8 2012 8:02 pm

      Agreed!!! 1,000%. Except it has nothing to do with race…just the type of men that I choose- men raised by men. My boyfriend is black and always had a very positive male role model in his life with whom he speaks to daily. He is a wonderful provider and doesn’t want a damn thing from me except to let him hold me and kiss me all through the night. I like feeling like a woman, I like feeling feminine, fluffy, delicate and pink. I don’t waste too much time on men who can’t take care of themselves (especially since I can take care of MYself). On the other hand, this can backfire. My last bf for instance was raised by a single dad who had no respect for women whatsoever. He also had a very skewed perception of how men and women think and act differently and you can tell that was his father’s influence.

      I also like men who take care of themselves. Since 2008 ive been used to going to bed with washboard abs and that’s not going to change anytime soon. Once you’re used to hotties with bodies, nothing else will do. I dated a guy who was “plump”, never went to the gym, always ate fast food- didn’t care what he put in his body. So it’s nice to be with someone who encourages ME to stay in shape and exercise to keep up with him. (and not in a condescending manner like i’ve ALSO experienced in the past, but in an uplifting way).

      I work full time for the county and I see the difference in just the NAMES of men born in the 60s-80s and the young boys born in the 90s. The names of young black men here sound extremely feminine and obvious that their father had no influence in the choosing of their name. They sound French yet made-up. I’m talking about Devonte (with an accent mark over the e), Keyshondre…lol And the names of the older black gentlemen are biblical or they’re named after their fathers and grandfathers- classic names like James and William.

      Men raised by women- again, regardless of race- are coddled and know not much more than being taken care of and waited on hand and foot. It’s not the mom’s fault. It’s just in our nature to make sure our baby boys have everything in the world they want and need. But they need that balance- someone to tell them to man up, handle their shit, do it yourself, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps….stop acting like a little bitch! lol

      • Tragic Arrangements / Mar 13 2012 12:14 am

        “classic names like James and William.”— European aka YOU’VE BEEN COLONIZED names like “William and James” …You did bring another perspective to mind though on the names that I hear far too many young black males being given. I DON’T like them, and most of them don’t have any meaning that anyone giving them is aware of. I had to think about it for a second. I can’t imagine a boy whose father is ACTIVELY in his life and having any power in the home allowing many of these feminine names. Excellent observation.

    • Ruthlyn Oliver / Mar 8 2012 8:05 pm

      but I am aware of the defeatist attitude you are referring to that I see in a lot of black people in general, not just men. It’s easy to fall victim to “black defeatism” in the south. Thank God i’m not from here. But anyway…I tend to go for guys who have goals and don’t make sorry excuses for not achieving them.

    • Jessica Rabbit / Dec 4 2016 7:10 am

      I agree 10000%

  4. Let's be Realistic / Jan 13 2012 10:40 am

    lol totally agree with Dee Dee,

    also black women who tend to go for white men tend to be more feminine and a truly feminine spirit can sniff out a real man in a heart beat…and who’s going to tell her no? its called biogenetics…everything leads to sex to keep producing more humans…a woman is wired to go for the type of man who can handle things…black men aren’t exactly KNOWN for being this however this is not to say that no black man can take care of business but realistically i don’t think the numbers and in their favor

  5. Let's be Realistic / Jan 13 2012 4:18 pm

    omg sorry for all the typos…too much caffeine, too little sleep

  6. Jay from Philly / Jan 20 2012 2:17 pm

    “Supposedly Black Women lose the attitude, become ultra feminine, extra sweet and extra accommodating once they are paired up with White guys.”

    Going to have to say there’s some truth to that. Either that or the Black women who ARE ultra feminine, extra sweet, and extra accomodating are the Black women who go for white guys.

  7. martina / Mar 1 2012 9:17 pm

    No. I always stay true to self and people either accept me or do not…so far as being one way and then another no all the guys I dated and my ex husband who was white allowed me to be me…which was greatly appreciated. (my ex had a character flaw that transcends color…cheating) I would say go for character before color of skin. Character is more important.

  8. Tragic Arrangements / Mar 13 2012 12:36 am

    “So perhaps Black women act differently when they date White men because White men allow them to operate in their core base (feminine energy) by virtue of operating in their core base (masculine energy). “—- NOT!!

    I have dated a White man who did NOT make me feel secure or able to trust his decisions and who was very emotionally needy, clingy and insecure. It did not make me feel relaxed or extra feminine or soft around him.

    I have found very FEW men who were able to make me feel that way. Those who are are usually OLDER males. and they aren’t White. Most of them are OLDER BLACK MALES… .it is not an issue of whether a man is non-White or White, but his character and security within himself. Being White benefits a man/woman because she is born into a system that gives him unmerited security, resources and a support system SIMPLY based on that classification and no INHERENT or merited work of his own. He knows that if he gets fired from one job, he will not have to go through what non-White males go through (Racism) in trying to find another job. This non-just system ( Which harms ME, WHILE benefiting HIM) NECESSITATES that such security, resources and support BE WITHHELD from both black/non-white males and females ( which includes myself)….so I never make the habit of comparing the resources of a black /non-white male to those of a White man.

    It is illogical to do so. So I never make such silly generalizations about White men.. I never feel secure around a male who has a disproportionate amount of power in relationship to me ( IN ALL AREAS OF PEOPLE ACTIVITY; Education, Entertainment, Economics, Labor, Law, Politics, Religion, Sex and War) especially when that power is because of a history of abuse of people like me and it maintenance depends on that being continued. I find it more logical to be SUSPICIOUS of anyone who belongs to the “Race.” Not to be impressed by the resources.

    That being said, the times that I have felt most Secure, care free AND FEMININE, taken care of are the times that I have been with the black males members of my family. Thankfully I had that foundation within my own family and among my own people so that I never grew up to be so fascinated with another people or to idealize them based on an apparent act of “kindness”….it does WONDERS to be loved at home FIRST.

  9. steven / Mar 5 2013 2:33 am

    You could not be more wrong. My sister married a white man.She had to take on two jobs,cook and clean for him And their 3 kids, pay the bills and make sure the rent was paid. All this while he worked part time. Don’t sound like a leader to me. More like a slave driver.

  10. rufus11 / Feb 25 2014 5:55 am

    black men and women have both been victimized. The black man has been castrated on so many levels and the black woman has been as well. I hope there is a day where we stop blaming each other and focus our energy on the root of all our problems.

  11. Jessica Rabbit / Dec 4 2016 7:07 am

    I am black woman who for the past few years, have mostly dated white men. Here’s where the big difference lies…black men feel emasculated by society and they feel inferior about their position in the world. That energy is transferred into their relationships with black women. Because they are constantly battling to be respected in life, they compete and take out their frustrations on the one group that they can…black women. Unfortunately, black women have been outperforming black men as well which creates even more tension between the two. Naturally many black women will take the lead in these relationships and black men will fight them for it in order to save their dignity and pride and to prove their manhood. By contrast, white men feel comfortable in their positions in society. They are the wealthiest and most successful group of men on the planet. That confidence in their masculinity is transferred into their relationships, meaning they simply do not have any manhood to prove to their women. They benefit from white male privilege where society simply treats them better. Now, I don’t blame black men for being angry and feeling undervalued, it’s not their fault that society has abused and taken so much from the black man. But I can say thaf dating white men creates a sense of ease and comfort that I do not experience with black men. It’s easy to flow into a more feminine energy because of this. What’s also important to address here is that black men don’t always really want a sweet and docile woman. Because I’ve been called a “white girl” my whole life, when dating black men they seem to feel confused about me. They’ve become so accustomed to the typical fiery attitudes that when they do meet me, I think they wish that I had more of an attitude. One of my exes who is black loves me and hated me for the same reason, lol. He loved that I was different from the other women he dated but he also wanted me to be more like the black women he was familiar with. So it’s a double edge sword at times.

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