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February 5, 2011 / admin

You Call That Flirting???


“Where are all the White men who are interested in Black women?”
“Where are all the Black women who are interested in White men?”
“Do Black women like White men?”
“Do White men like Black women?”

You may be familiar with these all too common questions being tossed about on.. or should I say bombarding, the internet. Forums such as topix, yahoo answers, et al. have hundreds of threads asking about and saying the same thing. Clearly if White men are asking and Black women are asking then one would surmise yes, these people exist somewhere and yes, some White men/Black women are into each other. People are attracted to attractive (what they deem to be) people, aren’t they?

Moving on – logically one might wonder if all these folks exist online, why are they having trouble finding each other and getting together in the real world? Actually, I was reading answers.yahoo the other day and a White guy with red hair and freckles wanted to know if Black girls would be into him when just a few days earlier a Black girl had asked if White guys with red hair were interested in Black women. One commenter mentioned this to the guy and forwarded him to her link, advising him to reach out.

Sure, it’s understandable that white men may be apprehensive about asking Black woman they find attractive out for fear of being rejected or encountering a BW who is bm-identified/hates white men/ etc. After all, there really is no way of telling if she is or isn’t open to interracial dating just by looking at her… or is there? 

And Black women are justified in feeling that they shouldn’t have to ask a guy out first, especially since they are used to being accosted by any BM who is interested in her. White men seem to get over their fear of asking other non-bw out after all, so why does the thought of being rejected by a woman seem to only cripple some White men when a woman has brown skin? They are women like every other woman and a White man should have no qualms about talking them up…. or should they?

The truth is both sides have valid points. However, the crazy thing is the solution to this problem is pretty darn simple.

flirt

–verb (used without object) 1.

to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.

 

If you don’t know how to flirt to save you life and you want to be in a relationship sooner than later, you need to learn the subtleties/art of flirting not tomorrow, or next week, but TODAY

If White men employed their flirting skills, they could determine whether or not a Black woman was interested without much risk of bruising his fragile ego and Black women could identify herself as someone open to interracial dating effectively granting the “green light” all the while preserving her feminine allure by not being the one to make the first move. She would find more men willing to talk her up instead of staring from afar or pretending not to notice her beauty because… well, they really wouldn’t be putting themselves out there much if given the right signals.

There are tons of flirting articles on the internet, but I wanted to submit an alternative to simply reading how to lists and tips online with a potentially more effective way to hone your skills. This method would allow you to learn along with others exactly what to do and put the techniques into practice. Simply google flirting seminar and your city and state and sign up for one of these events today!

A quick google search yielded Flirtology which holds flirting seminars described in the following text lifted from their website:

Flirtology seminar provides you with new information and valuable insight into the science of flirting. This is done in a combination of theory, proven research, activities and role-play. We are currently providing the following three seminars.

How to attract, approach, and allure.
How to present yourself in the best possible light
How to influence others moods and emotions
How to efficiently utilize the factors influencing attraction
Jean’s research revealing signs of attraction

Finding your flirtastic self
What is flirting? Why do we do it?
Telling the difference between friendly and flirting
How to speak fluent body language
Being big on small talk
Who should approach and how
Taking the ‘reject’ out of rejection

How to ‘butter up’ in business
How to get the client on your side
Learn the important body language signals needed for success
The evil necessities of small talk-making it fun!
How to fake it, til you make it.

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5 Comments

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  1. Melonie McGee / Feb 7 2011 4:53 pm

    The following is a recent post on Match.com. For me it explains some reasons why it’s hard to flirt:

    I am of the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” mentality when it comes to online dating as
    I’m sure most people here are as well. It has fast become the new if not only way to meet people these days. In my searching these sites, instead of looking for a certain kind of person, as far as looks are concerned, I tend to be interested in what men are listing as far as what they are looking for in women. Much to my suprise, the one trend I have discovered, unfortunately, is that men of all races are not looking to meet African American women. I have seen every nationality of women listed, in different orders, but AA women are not a part of these lists. So what is a woman such as myself to do. Am I to give up, count myself out of the running. I’m not looking for answers to my questions, so don’t feel as if you need to answer. I will follow the rules for online dating sites and do the “Ideal Match” portion, like a good and willing participant should, why, because like most people on these sites, I would still like to meet an interesting guy…

    I am looking to meet someone who may be apprehensive at reaching out in a different direction but only because it’s unchartered territory. I have been through enough to realize that my present condition may actually be because of my inability to seek friendships with people I have things in common with instead of those I feel I have a past connection to even though I never met them. This theory that we have a common bond because we share a common blend is being erased everytime I meet someone I think is the same that has no idea where I’m coming from or going to.
    I would like to meet someome interested in getting to know me because they want to get to know me…as a woman… I want to have fun too, but without later feeling like the fool. If the ledge is not too “high” reach out.

    Where are you supposed to muster up the nerve to flirt!!!!

    • WingedBeast / Feb 8 2011 12:18 am

      Don’t look for ones with lists of races/ethnicities that they’re looking for. Look for the ones that list “any” for the race/ethnicity.

      That’s what I do. I would be lieing to myself if I said a beautiful black woman wasn’t a part of my romantic fantasy, but I don’t want to limit the potential or scare anybody off, so I just say “any”. I try to put more focus on whether or not she’s a reader than what her heritage is.

      If you’re anywhere near Peoria, Illinois, though, you can skip a lot of looking and just hit me up. 🙂

      • Melonie McGee / Feb 14 2011 10:19 pm

        I do understand what you are saying and have done just that, but when you still get the rejections, and because I have already seen that most men who list ethnicities dont list black women, it leads me to believe the “any” means anything but African American. Not saying it’s true, but rejection forces us to come up with a reason for the rejection to be able to move forward. I wish it wasn’t this way or that I wasn’t this way, but it is and I am.

        P.S. I’m not near Peoria, Illinois, but have been there several times. In fact, it was a common destination for field trips when I was growing up in Springfiled, Illinois. I am now in Nashville. Too bad because I would have liked to hit you up WingedBeast 🙂

      • WingedBeast / Feb 15 2011 6:58 pm

        Rejection’s one of the more annoying parts of online dating. For myself, one of the other problems is the tendancy of days long smalltalk just so people can get comfortable enough to have a snack and a smoothie together, where we’re supposed to have that smalltalk!

        As for rejection, there are a lot of reasons for rejection but, to my knowledge, the most common reason is “I just forgot about that site for a while” which is an amazing frustration and I’m with you on it. It’s enough to make you think it’s too much to ask just to just to know someone actually exists.

        Not much advice I can give. I can only sympathize with the troubles.

        Though, if you do find yourself in the area, look me up. I’ll take you to a movie. Come with a movie preference or I’ll inflict the latest 3D Disney Animation upon you. 😉

  2. Terri / Jun 5 2013 4:23 pm

    To Melanie McGee

    I don’t understand why black women assume if a man does not like them or is not interested that means he is not interested in BW, Unfortunately they may not be interested in YOU, but may be interested another Black woman. Black women come in many different types. Some types may attract more of a broader race/class of men and some may not attract many at all. Not saying you are one of the ones who don’t attract many but some non BM when looking at black women look for them to be “UNBLACK”. That has nothing to do with skin complexion, hair texture or any other African feature. One, they generally like a slimmer women. They like women with non black hairstyles, so no OBVIOUS weaves or Ghetto hair styles and ghetto attire. So basiclly dress and appearance should be mainstream. Conversations should be mainstream with slight touches of blackness. In some cases they may want more of a brown white woman.

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