Skip to content
January 13, 2011 / admin

A good way for Black Women to Vet White Men

Evia over at BlackFemaleInterracialMarriage mentioned in her latest post a good way to vet a man which I thought was worth mentioning here: If he doesn’t like your natural hair simply because it’s natural Black hair, it’s a good indicator that he probably isn’t the man *black, white or other* for you. I have to say, I totally agree!

I do believe most White men won’t care how you wear your hair as long as it looks good as evidenced by this poster who shared her story on

By Kynnib 

Lol. So im with this new guy. Hes not the first white guy ive dated but im the first black girl hes ever even had a crush on. Hes only seen me with my hair flat ironed or in a braid out bun (i dont know how to do anything else).

He knows nothing about black hair. He doesnt even know what a weave is. Heck, he knows nothing about hair in general. He washes his own hair with a regular bar of soap. Im not talking about chagrin valley im talking irish springs or dove.

Last night I made an attempt at a twist out (pics in fotki) and i told him i decided to try something new. I got nervous for him to see it because this was the first time ive worn my hair out in a natural style, this was the first time he was going to see it, and ive seen a few stories on here about curly girls and their men not liking their curls. I just kept thinking what if he said “umm your hair looks really poofy. I thought you told me you did it. You should flat iron it again. It looks really nice when you do that.” Then id have to set him straight.

So the time came for him to see it and the first thing he said was, “I really like it. You look really cute. Its cool. Are you going to keep it like that from now on?”

I was really happy he liked it. Its so weird not knowing if someone from a different culture will accept something from your culture that some people from your own culture dont even accept. That man is some kinda special.


The great thing about our hair is that it is versatile (especially in it’s natural state). Also, just because you have natural hair doesn’t mean it can’t be long or you can’t straighten and/or manipulate it. Check out this lovely lady’s videos from youtube. (By the way, she is completely natural and is not bi-racial or mixed)



Leave a Comment
  1. jai / Jan 13 2011 10:58 am

    I agree, if a man doesn’t like your hair he needs to step! I’ve been natural for 5 years and I wish I had done it sooner. There are a lot of black women with natural hair who are married to or dating white men(most of them are members of the natural hair forums or have natural hair blogs). The youtube link above is Longhairdontcare, her hair is absolutely gorgeous(I’m subcribed to her youtube channel). Some other natural sistas with gorgeous hair on youtube are kimmaytube, rusticbeauty and whoissugar. All of our hair(natural or relaxed) is beautiful when its healthy 🙂

    • admin / Jan 13 2011 4:12 pm

      Hey Jai
      I am familiar with rustic beauty but not the others – i’ll check them out. Thanks for sharing their info with us and for visiting 🙂

    • Darlyne J / Jul 13 2011 9:12 pm

      How long is your hair, since you have been natural for 5 years. I am natural for alittle over a year and half, I am 17 now.

  2. Ruthlyn / Jun 28 2011 5:25 pm

    LOL!! White guys are so cute in their naivety about black hair. It takes time but they eventually get it. I prefer guys to be naive about it then for them to pretend they know EVERYTHING. Experienced black female daters are a little bit more keen on the lingo. And that’s kind of annoying cause I’m extremely tender-headed and my hair requires so much care- I don’t like other people telling me what I should do with it- especially people who don’t have the same hair type as me.

    My fiance has lived in Wyoming, Montana, and Maine. And i’ll never forget when I had to explain to him what “ashy” meant. lol I pointed to my legs “see that?” He goes, “is that when you’re skin is all dry and white?” I really thought it was common phraseology. But I was in (military) formation and other white guys around me didn’t know what it meant either. I guess “ashy” is a black thing.

    • admin / Jun 29 2011 4:47 pm

      nuh uh, White people definitely get ashy!

  3. Let's be Realistic / Jan 13 2012 5:10 pm

    white people turn crusty and red when they get ashy, they’re already pale so its hardy to see the actual “ash” on their skin lol

  4. Let's be Realistic / Jan 13 2012 5:15 pm

    me personally, i wouldn’t mind if a white guy didn’t like my natural hair, i am “natural” meaning i stopped relaxing it about three years ago because i realized the relaxer wasn’t doing anything that a flat iron couldn’t do and mainly because the relaxer was damaging my hair…it wasn’t growing past shoulder length…now that i’m natural my hair is mid back/past my boobs which is nice because its thick and healthy—but i always flat iron lol i’ll admit i’m a bit of a victim in terms of society’s view of black hair…my hair isn’t necessarily “afro” but it isnt as straight as i wish it was so i almost never wear it out….i think it will take a few decades and ALOT of brave black women for society to begin to accept that type of hair as normal and stop calling it “pubic hair” <— probably one of the most horrific things i've heard a white person say and to this day i never want to wear my hair because i'm afraid people will think of it as too frizzy and call it "pubic hair" and to be honest i won't feel as beautiful…but i love seeing women who are confident and creative with their natural hair and make it look nice…it gives me hope that one day people will stop being abusive towards black women for features that they are BORN WITH

  5. Let's be Realistic / Jan 13 2012 5:18 pm

    ultimate pet peeve: when white people assume we all have the same hair texture….uhm NO just like all whites don’t have stringy greasy limp thin hair all blacks do not have instant afros after they wash their hair lol

  6. Kimmie / Dec 15 2012 5:41 pm

    The reasons why many black women with natural hair are married to white or non black men is because the black community values straight hair and lighter skin over everything. In most groups they value facial features, body shape, education and self confidence over everything else. A black man will see an overweight woman (of any race) with long straight hair and think she’s the hottest thing since sliced bread. Yet, standing right next to her is a woman with shorter hair kinkier, a better body, a more symmetrical face and she’s invisible. This isn’t about dark skin and light skin if you are African American to a white man you are dark, but in the black community you need to look as light as possible to be considered above average in looks! Since, I started growing my natural hair I get hit on by more white men than anything. Black men approach me only when my hair is flat ironed and that doesn’t bother me, because my idea of a good man doesn’t have a skin color requirement.

    • Craig / Jun 14 2013 10:19 am

      Well…I’m a Black man that loves Black women with natural hair. Confidence is sexy. Can’t stand weaves (looks like a bad Tina Turner Revue video..) However, I find it ironic that these comments about Black men not liking African featured women are stated by Black women who have selected White men. Seems like two sides of the same coin. Hold out ladies. Date or marry who you want, but don’t sell out.

      • bwmm / Feb 10 2015 5:19 pm

        Dude take yourself somewhere else with that mess

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: