Skip to content
November 9, 2010 / admin


A common complaint amongst Black Women who date or are interested in dating White Men is that they stare but do not approach. A common response to this complaint is the argument that men assume most Black Women will reject them and so just admire from afar, while remaining mum.

The seemingly obvious solution to this problem is if more Black Women gave some sort of subtle sign/hint that they would not object to being hit on by a White Man, and for White Men to find a way to test the waters/gauge her reaction without completely putting himself out there for potential rejection before making a serious advancement instead of making assumptions and doing nothing.

This week’s Site Challenge breakdown is as follows:

Challenge Duration: Challenge begins Thursday and ends Monday, so get to getting!
Challenge Location: Any Cafe (Bookstore Cafe is preferable)
Challenge Requirements: An interesting Book (good ice breaker) with a title in Big, Bold, letters. The perfect book would be related to something you have a real interest in. Men/Women should look as attractive as possible – this means makeup, hair, jewelry, cute flattering clothing for women and well kempt hair, smell good (axe/old spice?), look clean and presentable for men.


Over the course of the week, find an attractive male/female (henceforth referred to as “YOUR TARGET”) sitting and reading or eating alone. Find a seat as close to your target as possible (Ideally directly beside them). CATCH THEIR EYE, this means you will have to look at them directly, and SMILE showing teeth while offering a friendly/casual greeting: “Hello” or “Hi”.
If the cafe is crowded and seats are sparse, say “Hi” (not excuse me) accompanied by a BIG SMILE where you show teeth. Ask if they would mind if you shared the table with them.
FEMALES: If your target strikes up a conversation with you about the book or anything else, regardless of how small, engage. This means your smile and interest in sitting with him told him all he needed to know that you are open to men like him.
During 15 minutes of sitting your task will be to glance over at your target every 3-5 minutes or so.
WOMEN: If you find your target looking at you your task is only to smile shyly and touch your hair or face in some way. *Make a conscious effort to do this as this will give the signal most men are looking for and let’s them know whether you are flattered but not interested or totally open to his advances. Hold your target’s gaze a minimum of 3 times over the course of 15 minutes, each time slowly turn your attention back to your book over the count of 3 beats (so count, 1, 2, 3 and your eyes should be back in the book.
MEN: If you find your target looking at you and smiling or touching her hair/face, your task is to initiate conversation about the book you are reading, compliment her with a line like “I’m sorry, I’m a little bit distracted”. If upon saying this your target smiles and says “oh, don’t worry about it” or laughs in a flirtatious way your task is to engage in conversation.

WOMEN: If your target still has not engaged in conversation it is possible he is not interested or has a girlfriend since you have been dropping heavy signs. We believe most men like the angst of the chase and if you make it TOO easy for them by initiating the conversation/asking him out it throws the entire male/female dynamic off.
MEN: If you do not receive reciprocal smiles or flirtatious behavior after cathing your target’s eye AND complimenting her or acknowledging her with a comment abort your mission. You must put out the bait to be able to guage your target’s reaction to you and decipher whether or not to move forward. Remember, women complain WM stare but do not approach, so by doing this “soft approach” you’ll be making the first move (being aggressive which is what most women want) and if you get favorable feedback, then you can continue in full force as you would court any other woman.

How’d you do? What level did you make it to? Did you get a number or e-mail address or better yet, a date? Report your results in the comment section!  Good Luck!

Don’t forget to like and Retweet this challenge to all of your single friends!



Leave a Comment
  1. Jesse / Nov 11 2010 7:10 am

    Sorry in advance for the long post

    I actually did this challenge today, except this is a girl I see almost every day in Starbucks. I’ve never said anything to her before today because I was pretty sure she isn’t into guys like me, or I should say me. It’s not only because she’s black but because she never really looked my way but I have seen her checking out other black guys before.

    Anyway, today she was sitting there writing some stuff and as usual you can never find a seat because everybody buys like one item so they can sit on their laptops all day long. I asked her if I could sit with her and I could actually imagine her being pissed off about it, but she totally wasn’t. She said sure and made room for me and I was trying to remember to smile, but I felt a little awkward smiling because she was just serious, like she had a regular look on her face.

    So then I actually remembered I was supposed to have an interesting book, so I took out the book 4 hour workweek. She did notice this but didn’t say anything. I kept looking at her, I definitely think more than 3 times in 15 minutes but she was never looking back.

    But THEN she asked me to watch her stuff while she went to the bathroom. When she came back she was like thanks and I said of course, anytime. She kind of laughed at that, like anytime? I said yeah because I see you all the time in here. She was like you do? I think she was taken aback that I had noticed her and we started talking after that. Turns out she read the 4 Hour WorkWeek, so we talked about that. When she was leaving she said she would see me tomorrow I guess.

  2. admin / Nov 11 2010 2:24 pm

    That’s great to hear. The next time you see her try to get a phone number or a date!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: